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This is a discussion on "nude" coffee shop in Boulder??? within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; mods...I'm sorry if this is out of line, I thought it was too outlandish NOT to share...feel free to close and reprimand if it is! ...
mods...I'm sorry if this is out of line, I thought it was too outlandish NOT to share...feel free to close and reprimand if it is!
Shmuck of the Week: The creep who wants to open a topless coffee shop in Boulder - Denver News - The Latest WordShmuck of the Week: The creep who wants to open a topless coffee shop in Boulder
By Joe Tone in Business, Shmuck of the WeekFriday, Jul. 10 2009 @ 12:57PM
I am, for the record, generally in favor of toplessness. Not my own, mind you, which I am so strongly against I often wear a shirt in the shower, like the fat kid at the public pool, only hairy and alone. But other people's toplessness? Sure! Topless beaches in Europe, topless scenes in movies, topless pools on cruiseships: I vote affirmatively, and spiritedly, for all.
But there is something shamefully pathetic about the plan of Boulder's Dan Kennedy, the CU student who wants to open a coffee shop staffed by topless coeds.
According to the Boulder Daily Camera, Kennedy has placed ads offering $80 to $100 a shift for topless baristas at a cafe he hopes to open one morning a week. He's not sure where he'll put it, but he's thinking a conference room on campus. And he's not sure about the legality of it, but he's pretty sure if he only serves drip coffee and prepackaged foods, he can get away with it. He's also looking for a few bouncers, to keep the creeps at bay, which begs a natural question:
Has a bouncer ever bounced his own boss? Because I think we all know who'd be at the top of creep standings at the end of the morning.
Obviously, this topless plan is totally legless. Pretty much everyone in Boulder has spoken out against it, with both the city and university simultaneously laughing at Kennedy and vowing to block his boldly pervish efforts.
And even if he pulled his head out of his Barely Legal long enough to make this wet dream a reality, he'd fail on basic economics. Since black coffee and Nature's Valley bars would hardly cover his expenses, Kennedy -- a sophomore transfer from Whitman College -- said he would charge a $12 cover. Hilariously, he told the Camera the fee would keep away the oglers -- as if anyone would pay $12 to get into a coffee shop and not feel entitled to visually abuse the help. But even if the waitresses were giving lap dances and doing your taxes, Kennedy would be hard pressed to make money. His cafe, after all, would amount to little more than a strip club with no booze, no music, and no stripping, open once a week, at an hour when no one looks good naked, in a room usually reserved for kids trying to figure out Kant.
So, yeah, Kennedy's not winning the department prize in econ anytime soon. But that doesn't mean he can't do some damage: No doubt he'll lure one or two young women to meet with him, to discuss this grand opportunity to refill Professor Perv's decaf, breasts flying free. At the least he'll land a few phone numbers. At the most -- well, channel your inner creep, and I'm sure you can come up with something untoward.
So it is with great displeasure, and with my shirt squarely on my back, that I present Boulder's Dan Kennedy with this week's Shmuck of the Week honor. Please hurry and accept your title, Mr. Kennedy. I need a shower.
For previous Shmucks, see the Shmuck of the Week archive.
Tags: Boulder Daily Camera, Dan Kennedy, Joe Tone, University of Colorado at Boulder
Must control urge to respond.
"Without fear there can be no Courage!"
Drinking coffee while nude can be hazardous.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around laws. Plato
you could still carry concealed,but not even starbucks coffee is woth a 12.00 cover charge,instead of creamer...I gotta stop before I get 1000 demerit points
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .
He just wants to interview the waitress applicants.
I like it. Everyone should explore their entrepenuership.
"Government is not the solution to our problem; government IS the problem". - Ronald Reagan 1981
Sounds as if he's in the process of winning a bet.... "I bet... I could get several coeds to go topless at the same place at the same time for , hummmm .... say $80 each, by just advertising it."
His friends : 'baloney, you couldn't get any of them to do that for $80".
Originator : "you wanna BET ? ".
I've been married for 38 years...my wife served my coffee one morning last week 'topless'...she was angry because I didn't notice...
(It's a joke, a joke!)
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IMHO Forrest Gump is correct. Stupid just can not be fixed.
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Illegitimus Non Carborundum. In God we trust.
Hes going the wrong way....... topless has too many legalities......
He should just go with a theamed coffee shop in which Coed's dress in costume certain days of the week.... say fireman outfits on friday, maids outfits on sat...ect. Of course these would not be the USUAL outfit, but more of a slightly dressed outfit..... :)
Have seen these on TV...... Baristas are making 150-200 bucks in tips a shift min........for serving coffee! :)
And why is the article writter so against seeing topless coeds?? Calling the guy a pervert.... I think there may be some PSY issues he needs to deal with.....
Sarcasm - Just one of the many services I provide!
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