December 11th, 2009 11:38 PM
Excerpts From: Altitude, Illness and Stupid Ideas: A Heuristic Approach
While reading the weekly Cripple Creek Courier over a cup of coffee this morning, I was struck by the following from the “Police Blotter”:
Guido Jose Fishbein, aka Billy Bob Smith, Age 48, Colorado Springs, Arrested for Failure to Yield, Failure to Signal, Equipment Failure and Outstanding Warrant (for Failure to Yield, Failure to Signal, and Equipment Failure), Transported to Teller County Jail and Held under $500 bond.
Tammy Lynn Svensen, aka Tammy Lynwood, Age 27, Salida, Arrested for Failure to Signal, Equipment Failure and Outstanding Warrant (for Failure to Signal, and Equipment Failure), Transported to Teller County Jail and Held under $500 bond.
Martha Stuart, aka Martha “Blondie” “The Shiv” Stuart, Age 53, Pueblo, Arrested for Failure to Yield, Failure to Signal, Equipment Failure, Prostitution, and Outstanding Warrant (for Failure to Yield, Failure to Signal, Equipment Failure and Prostitution), Transported to Teller County Jail and Held under $750 bond.
Ad infinitum ad naseum………………
The above represents a real conundrum. Are all of these folks so stupid that they do not recognize that lightning can strike twice, especially in the same small city? Or to the contrary, has the altitude here made a normally brilliant people temporarily stupid? Are stupid people preternaturally attracted to Cripple Creek like in some Dean Koontz novel? This appears to be an important question, given the Police Blotter generally fills a page or two, and darn near every separate “incident” includes a previous outstanding warrant, week after week after month after month…………
It is thus living at 9,542 feet has opened our eyes to certain matters of medical importance, as well as various matters of entertainment. The entertainment, of course, is secondary to the scientific search for the absolute truth. These are illustrated by noted odd behaviors and expounded upon in many learned journals, and vary greatly dependent upon individuals and their ability to extract oxygen from the air at 9,542 feet and above. These do not pretend to solve the conundrum, or assign cause or effect, or analyze even lowly correlation, but are merely presented for consideration………
And..........For the Wrap...........Let's Consider the Effects of Altitude......
Out of Town Criminals: Let’s pick a town with a population of 1,000 with only three paved roads that serve the city, and then rob a bank or a casino or a casino patron. Dah. Result: Captured within 30 minutes. Dumb, dumb, dumb.
Out of Town Criminals: Home Invasions. Right. Bad idea on several levels………Most out of town folk get lost on the roads in the mountains. You, Einstein, are not the exception. You are the rule. We find cars with bones in them every spring. Two, Teller County has the highest percentage of Concealed Weapons Permits per capita in the state. Even the cute little old ladies pack 38’s without permits, and most folk hunt deer and elk with very high-powered rifles. Your odds of picking a house without a firearm by the door are darn near zero. Do you have a death wish? You will probably end up looking down the barrel of a large weapon, held by a very PO'd and very scared homeowner with a twitchy finger. Your brains will end up in El Paso County, and your body in a deep and unused mineshaft.
And one final word of advice...........
Do not enter into an alcohol-drinking contest with a local. You will fail, and the hangover will hurt worse than any hangover you have ever experienced. You will wish your brains would leak out of your ears. Your wallet will be empty or gone, and you will attempt to throw yourself under the wheels of a very large ore-mining truck at the gold mine to stop the pounding in your cerebral cortex. Lesson: Alcohol is very effective at high altitudes.
So, that there is a few of the scary ideas ricocheting around Teller County, currently 15 below with nary a cloud in the sky. Good night folks.......
December 12th, 2009 12:14 AM
Well, it doesn't leave you short of good entertainment. LOL. The results of committing a home invasion in Cripple Creek, would be about like jumping off a very tall bridge with a rope around your neck.
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