I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I Am A Bad American.

I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I Am A Bad American.

This is a discussion on I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I Am A Bad American. within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give ...

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Thread: I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I Am A Bad American.

  1. #1
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    I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I Am A Bad American.

    I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel
    governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to
    crack addicts squirting out babies.

    I\'m not in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!

    I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang.

    I think owning a gun doesn\'t make you a killer.

    I believe it\'s called the Boy Scouts for a reason.

    I don\'t think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.

    I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you\'d better do it in English.

    I don\'t use the excuse \"it\'s for the children\" as a shield for unpopular
    opinions or actions.

    I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

    I think that being a student doesn\'t give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put
    your pansy ass through 4-7 years of college, you haven\'t begun to be enlightened.

    I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God.

    My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpsons, and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.

    I don\'t hate the rich. I don\'t pity the poor.

    I know wrestling is fake and I don\'t waste my time arguing about it.

    I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I am freezing my ass through a long winter?

    I\'ve never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn\'t wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven\'t burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut-up already.

    I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches. And where does he get his money. And why is he always part of the
    problem and not the solution.

    I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you\'re running from them.

    I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you are breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

    I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don\'t want deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

    I hate those ******** standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making \'donations'to their cause. These people should be targets.

    I think if you are in the passing lane, and not passing, your license should be revoked, and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again.

    I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food.

    I believe that it doesn\'t take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

    I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don\'t pretend they are a political statement.

    I think Dr. Seuss was a genius.

    I\'m neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

    I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is sex, and it is sex for both of you. This even applies when you are President of the United States.

    If that makes me a BAD American, then yes, I\'m a BAD American.


  2. #2
    Member Array coma's Avatar
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    I have seen him on stage three times, and will go again if he comes around. The man is one of the best ever.

  3. #3
    FLM
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    Sorry, but Carlin didn\'t say it.

    http://www.snopes.com/language/document/carlin.htm

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    Thanks, the George Carlin reference has been removed. I had also heard that Ted Nugent had said it, which was referenced in snopes, too. Don\'t ya just love/hate the Internet :P

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    Member Array Zach S's Avatar
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    The Nuge said it in the dozen or so times its been emailed to me. Its never been credited to anyone else in the emails I get.

    Here\'s the original:

    http://www.freerepublic.com/forum/a39b09d010a26.htm

    I\'m Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD Republican.

    I like big cars, big cigars and naturally big racks. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies. I don\'t care about appearing compassionate. I think playing with guns doesn\'t make you a killer. I believe its called the Boy Scouts for a reason. I think I\'m better than the homeless. I am not the real Slim Shady, so I think that Iím gonna stay seated right here in this damn comfy chair. I don\'t think being a minority makes you noble or victimized. I don\'t care if you call me a racist, a homophobe or a misogynist. I am not tolerant of others because they are different. I know that no matter how big Jennifer Lopezís toilet gets, Iíll still want to see it.

    I don\'t celebrate Kwanzaa.

    I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you do it in English. I like my porn without silicon. I don\'t use the excuse \"it\'s for the children\" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions. I want to know when MTV became such crap. I think getting a hummer is sex, and every man is entitled to at least one extremely sloppy one per month. I know what the definition of is is. I think Oprah\'s eyes are way too far apart. I didn\'t take the initiative in inventing the Internet. I thought the Taco Bell dog was funny. I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.

    I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang. I think that being a student doesnít give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. Iíve never mourned a dead goldfish. I donít want to eat or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free on the package. I believe everyone has a right to pray to their God or gods, while I pray that the test results come back negative. I think the Clippers should play in the WNBA. My heroes are Abraham Lincoln, Orson Wells, Ronald Reagan and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. I think creative violence makes movies more interesting and Iraqis more dead.

    I don\'t hate the rich. I don\'t pity the poor.

    I know wrestling is fake, but I still think The Rock could kick my butt. I think global warming is junk science. Iíve never owned or was a slave, I didn\'t wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I havenít burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut-the-f-up already. South Park still makes me laugh. I think you can respect and admire women while mentally undressing them. I believe a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more dangerous than a PlayStation. I want to know which church is it exactly where the Rev. Jessie Jackson preaches. I think explosions are cool. I don\'t care where Ellen puts her tongue. I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if youíre running from them. I thought Spinal Tap was great, but Rob Reiner can still kiss my backside.

    I worry about dying before I get even.

    Iíve discovered that DVD is better than Laserdisc. I like the convenience of buying oranges while I\'m waiting at a stop-light, and I\'m pretty sure the Latina midget selling them to me is glad she no longer lives in a refrigerator packing carton outside Ensenada. I figured out Bruce Willis was dead midway through The Sixth Sense but enjoyed it anyway. I think turkey bacon sucks. I want somebody to explain to me exactly why it\'s wrong to point out that when I watch a freeway chase, I know the losers the police eventually pull out of the car are gonna be a gang-banging hommies or vatos. I believe that it doesn\'t take a village to raise a child, it takes a parent. I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you want them, but please donít pretend they are a political statement.

    I want to know what the hell is going on when Geena Davis has a sitcom.

    I like hard women, hard liquor and a hard bowel movement first thing in the morning. I believe you donít have to speak with a lisp to pick out a couch for your living room. I\'ll admit that the only movie that ever made me cry was Field of Dreams. I didn\'t realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid. I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody\'s feelings. Sometimes I throw my soft drink can in the trash, even when the recycle bin is just a few more steps. Making love is fine, but sometimes I wanna get laid. I\'m neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

    Yes, I\'m a bad Republican. And I vote... even if it rains.

  6. #6
    TY
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    YEP! I\'m a bad american!

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    Another of my heroes,,,,AL BUNDY!!!!!

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