Americans With No Abilities Act Congressional Act

Americans With No Abilities Act Congressional Act

This is a discussion on Americans With No Abilities Act Congressional Act within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT CONGRESSIONAL ACT WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans ...

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Thread: Americans With No Abilities Act Congressional Act

  1. #1
    Member Array rustler's Avatar
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    Wink Americans With No Abilities Act Congressional Act

    AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT CONGRESSIONAL ACT

    WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

    "Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Tom Daschel. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."

    The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.

    Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%),and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)

    Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

    Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

    Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"

    "As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

    Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."


  2. #2
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    Gotta be from the "Onion"

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    VIP Member Array Redneck Repairs's Avatar
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    Roflmao
    Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
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    .gov employs lots of them already.

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    Member Array mcclearypl's Avatar
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    I doze take offince at the idear we all in govrnment works is not quillifed to doze our jobs.

    ROFLMAO
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    Teddy had that right, He fits the bill!!

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    Methinks they neglected to put down the percentage of "persons of non-ability" currently employed in and for the US Congress. Sadly, I suppose they couldn't count that high on the percentage chart.
    eschew obfuscation

    The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD

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    Actually - I am not sure my chosen comment is entirely printable here
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    Closed Account Array Steelhorse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rustler
    AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT CONGRESSIONAL ACT

    Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."
    Has anyone else noticed the space Senator Kennedy takes?

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    Member Array RjVA's Avatar
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    From what I've heard from Daschel...

    in the past, I started out believing this was real!!!!!!!!
    "Sic Semper Tyrannis"

  11. #11
    Senior Member Array dpesec's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by craig45
    .gov employs lots of them already.
    and don't forget about the ones the elect.
    Dave

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  12. #12
    Senior Member Array dpesec's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steelhorse
    Has anyone else noticed the space Senator Kennedy takes?
    Only at the local Bar
    Dave

    “The highest obligation and privilege of citizenship is that of bearing arms”. General George Patton—US Army

    Vis et Veneratio

    "So this is how democracy dies: to thunderous applause." Actress Natalie Portman as Padme in Star Wars Revenge of the Sith

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