January 19th, 2010 03:20 PM
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door:
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a
claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized
bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I
will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not
necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest
I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom!
If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,
it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the
same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance
is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I
cannot stress this enough.
One more thing, staring at me while I eat to try to direct my
mind to give you my food will not work (usually). I am too old and too
tired. Go stare at the kids. They are younger and more susceptible to
mind control. If you don't believe me, notice how they all
dress alike so they can be individuals.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message
on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
-- Benjamin Franklin
January 19th, 2010 03:29 PM
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
Im a big fan of the .22LR for bear defense.
Just shoot the guy next to you in the knee and run like heck.
January 19th, 2010 03:57 PM
January 19th, 2010 05:14 PM
January 19th, 2010 05:47 PM
January 19th, 2010 06:08 PM
January 19th, 2010 07:25 PM
When you're right, you're right.
"To my mind it is wholly irresponsible to go into the world incapable of preventing violence, injury, crime, and death. How feeble is the mindset to accept defenselessness. How unnatural. How cheap. How cowardly. How pathetic." Ted Nugent
SIC VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM.
January 19th, 2010 09:55 PM
well theres nothing better than coming home from a long day at work sitting on the couch and having ur best friend imediately greet you with nothing but affection. They dont have "issues"or problems or concerns. All they want is to be loved and to love you....theres nothing better...
When it comes down to life or death, I choose life. Help promote defensive carry and gun ownership...
January 19th, 2010 10:19 PM
Somebody wrote this about MY animals.
Originally Posted by JonInNY
For as the lightning comes from the east and flashes to the west, so also will the coming of the son of man be. Mathew 24:27
January 19th, 2010 11:16 PM
I need to show this to my cat.
Know Guns, Know Safety, Know Peace.
No Guns, No Safety, No Peace.
Guns are like sex and air...its no big deal until YOU can't get any.
January 20th, 2010 10:21 AM
TRUE - BUT none of my 4 kids have ever had a hairball or licked their butts. There is a trade-off.
"Being PARANOID is just plain smart thinking when they are really out to get you!"
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