The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door

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Thread: The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door

    The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door:

    Dear Dogs and Cats:

    The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.
    The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
    Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a
    claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
    pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
    Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
    help because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized
    bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I
    will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.

    Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not
    necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest
    extent possible.

    I also know that sticking tails straight out and
    having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but
    sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom!
    If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,
    it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
    under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the
    same door I entered.

    Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance
    is not required.

    The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I
    cannot stress this enough.

    One more thing, staring at me while I eat to try to direct my
    mind to give you my food will not work (usually). I am too old and too
    tired. Go stare at the kids. They are younger and more susceptible to
    mind control. If you don't believe me, notice how they all
    dress alike so they can be individuals.


    Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message
    on the front door:

    TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

    (1) They live here. You don't.
    (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
    (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
    (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

    Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

    (1) eat less,
    (2) don't ask for money all the time,
    (3) are easier to train,
    (4) normally come when called,
    (5) never ask to drive the car,
    (6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
    (7) don't smoke or drink,
    (8) don't want to wear your clothes,
    (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
    (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
    (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

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  3. #2
    Senior Member Array ZX9RCAM's Avatar
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    Love it!!
    If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

    -Will Rogers

    Im a big fan of the .22LR for bear defense.
    Just shoot the guy next to you in the knee and run like heck.

  4. #3
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    Array PackerBackerToo's Avatar
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    Enjoyed that!

  5. #4
    Distinguished Member Array pcon's Avatar
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    so true...here's to them!
    Μολὼν λαβέ

    memento mori


  6. #5
    Distinguished Member Array BigStick's Avatar
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    That was great. A few times I even laughed out loud. I think I will pass it along to a few other people I know.
    Walk softly ...

  7. #6
    Distinguished Member Array Arko's Avatar
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    I like it!
    "Don't Tread on Me"

  8. #7
    Senior Member Array Exodus's Avatar
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    When you're right, you're right.
    "To my mind it is wholly irresponsible to go into the world incapable of preventing violence, injury, crime, and death. How feeble is the mindset to accept defenselessness. How unnatural. How cheap. How cowardly. How pathetic." Ted Nugent

    SIC VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM.

  9. #8
    Member Array BurdDawg40ve's Avatar
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    well theres nothing better than coming home from a long day at work sitting on the couch and having ur best friend imediately greet you with nothing but affection. They dont have "issues"or problems or concerns. All they want is to be loved and to love you....theres nothing better...
    When it comes down to life or death, I choose life. Help promote defensive carry and gun ownership...

  10. #9
    VIP Member Array rottkeeper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JonInNY View Post

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized
    bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I
    will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.

    Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not
    necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest
    extent possible.

    For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom!
    If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,
    it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
    under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the
    same door I entered.

    Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance
    is not required.
    Somebody wrote this about MY animals.
    For as the lightning comes from the east and flashes to the west, so also will the coming of the son of man be. Mathew 24:27

    NRA Member

  11. #10
    VIP Member Array BugDude's Avatar
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    I need to show this to my cat.
    Know Guns, Know Safety, Know Peace.
    No Guns, No Safety, No Peace.


    Guns are like sex and air...its no big deal until YOU can't get any.

  12. #11
    Senior Member Array paul45's Avatar
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    TRUE - BUT none of my 4 kids have ever had a hairball or licked their butts. There is a trade-off.
    "Being PARANOID is just plain smart thinking when they are really out to get you!"

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