The Deer Fight
This is a discussion on The Deer Fight within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I thought you guys might enjoy this, so at the expense of showing my true intelligence level to the community, here it is.
This story, ...
January 30th, 2010 06:27 PM
The Deer Fight
I thought you guys might enjoy this, so at the expense of showing my true intelligence level to the community, here it is.
This story, still to this day, brings tears to all my buddies’ eyes. It was a cold February night in North East Texas with a full moon that lit up all the hay fields along the road side. I was on my way home from a long evening of fixing B-52s for the largest non profit organization in the world, and was getting with-in a few miles of being home.
I was in my old Nissan Pick Up and was the only one on the road for miles so I was going a little fast for the narrow lane road when I suddenly saw a deer jump the fence on the left side of the road up a head of me. I got into the brakes until I saw the deer clear the road in front of me, and then got back on the gas. I was just then patting myself on the back about how my superior driving skills had saved the deer and my little truck from certain damage, when all of the sudden the whole fence row just ahead of me lit up with moon light reflecting off of deer sides…………..lots of em too.
I slammed on my brakes, but it was no use, there were deer everywhere. I hit three deer with the front of the truck just before I got stopped, and then two more ran into the side of the truck after I got stopped. Deer were jumping around the truck everywhere as I sat there in disbelief. One by one they all got up and ran off, except one lying out in front of the truck. So I got out of the truck and took a look at the poor little doe lying in the head lights with a bone sticking out of her leg, looking all lifeless.
Being the redneck that I am, I said to myself “She’ll cook up good”. So, I picked up the poor lifeless doe and put her in the back of the truck, then cut its throat so it would start to bleed out, then headed off to the house. Well, I pulled into the driveway and shut off the truck. As I was gathering up my cell phone and crap to get out, I had my door open and dome light on, I was very startled to see, at a glance in my rear view mirror, a bloody face looking at me through the back glass of the truck cab.
Needless to say, I may have accidentally screamed like a little girl for a split second or two. Then I got my wits about me and thought well, this ought not be too bad; she’s already been run over and had her throat cut. So I was feeling pretty confident as I got out of the truck with my knife again to finish the deed. She was lying on her belly in the bed of the truck and we were eye to eye as I was deciding my next move. I figured I’d just grab her by the ear and get a better cut on her throat; it was a good plan I felt.
As I got a good grip on her ear with my left hand she suddenly freaked out and in one bound was on her feet and rearing up to box me with her front legs. I still had a hold on her ear and this kept her from getting a full swing at me as she was boxing with me. She would rare up and box, I’d block with my right fore arm then jab at her with the knife. This went on for what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only about a 30 second round, with the doe a clear winner of that round.
A little voice in my head told me to “let go of the deer stupid”, so I did and took a few steps back to figure on my next move. It suddenly clicked in my head that I am a gun owner and do not have to subdue my dinner with a knife. So I walked over to the bed room window, where inside my darling wife Tammie was sleeping peacefully, and beat on the window to wake her up.
I told her “Baby it’s me, meet me at the door with a pistol”. She met me at the door and I traded the bloody knife for the pistol and with out explaining, I went back to the truck for round two. I was hoping with all my might that I find the deer dead in the bed of the truck, but to my dismay she was a live and I’d even venture to say, still very agitated.
I thought, well I don’t want to shoot my truck, so I’m just gonna grab her by the ear and pull her head up and then “BANG” I would be the victor. I grabbed her by the ear, but before I could do anything she had leaped onto her feet again. But this time instead of boxing with me, she, for lack of a better description, just leaped into the air. This would not have been a problem except I still had her by the ear, so when she jumped up I pulled her up and over me in the air by her ear.
I realized my mistake just in time to let go and run backwards a few steps as she landed between me and my pickup. I watched in disbelieve as she jumped up and turned away from me to run off, but instead, ran into my still opened truck door and then in the next instant leaped into the cab of my truck. You folks have no idea how much thrashing a wounded deer will do inside a truck cab, nor do you know how bad deer blood will smell after a few days in upholstery.
Anyway, after a few seconds the deer found its way out of the truck and fell out on the ground. She then looked up at me and crawled up under my truck like a dog. I could not believe this deer had just kicked my tail and then destroyed the inside of my truck. So now I was mad and would have followed this deer through hell and back to finish her off.
I got down on the ground to see if I had a shot under the truck; I didn’t want to shoot my gas tank or ruin a tire. I saw that I would have a clear shot from between the front tires, so I crawled up under the truck and lined up for a head shot. Just as I took the shot I was thinking I hope it’s not going to be too loud under here, when “BLAM”. I couldn’t hear anything, just a loud ringing; but I was the clear winner of round two!!
As I crawled out from under the truck I saw Tammie on the front porch saying something, but darned if I could here her. My poor wife thought I had just killed somebody as all she could see were two shadows fighting in the moon light. I used to watch those shows on TV “when animals attack” and think “what an idiot” how could any body get in a situation like that? Now days I’m not so critical of others.
January 30th, 2010 06:27 PM
January 30th, 2010 07:01 PM
Great story, I've feasted on a few tender road kills myself. Any relation to Marcus?
While people are saying "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, ... and they will not escape. 1Th 5:3
January 30th, 2010 07:16 PM
When I lived in Utah I hit a deer and loaded into the van. Then I decided it would bleed all over the van so I unloaded it and drug it to the ditch and marked the spot with a cup. Went back to my buddies house and got his truck. When I got back the deer was gone. It was only about 500 yards back to my buddies house and it was late at night in an isolated area, so I know no one came by and found the deer. The next morning went and checked again and could see where the deer had got up an ran off. I have thought many times about would have happened if I had just left the deer in the van and drove home.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around laws. Plato
January 30th, 2010 07:36 PM
No relation to Marcus that I know of, but supposedly I am related to some Luttrell's from down in Louisiana and east Texas way and have never met them.
Originally Posted by JAT40
January 30th, 2010 07:52 PM
Funny story for sure.
Anymore remember the story about the rancher that decided to cage and feed a deer to fatten it up? He tried to rope it. I'm gonna look for it, it's hilarious as well.
If I gave a crap about what you think about my guns.....it was early this morning and I already flushed it!
January 30th, 2010 07:59 PM
I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, Feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The First step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that since
They congregated at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away) that it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.
I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, who had seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes my deer showed up - 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and received an education.
The first thing that I learned is that while a deer may just stand There looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.
The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope with some dignity. A deer, no chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no Controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I originally imagined. The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head.
At that point I had lost my taste for corn fed venison. I just wanted To get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just Let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die Slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have it suffer a slow death so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand. Kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and started moving up so I could get my rope back.
Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head - almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.
The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it.
While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.
That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that when an animal like a horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond I devised a different strategy. I screamed like woman and tried to turn and run.
The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and three times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down. Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.
I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.
If I gave a crap about what you think about my guns.....it was early this morning and I already flushed it!
January 30th, 2010 08:17 PM
I've Hit 3 deer in my life, 2 with semis,and the other one with my '89 suburban, back in '99 or 2000.
saw one cross the road about 100 yds. or so, so I jam on the brakes , on the sm. rural 2 lane. Now I'm going 20-25mph. and that deer is in the weeds, so as I begin to accelerate another one comes barreling from the same spot, and bam!, right into the from of the burban. No damage, deer goes down, I'm barely out of the vehicle, and just now notice there was a guy right behind me , now right beside me with his folder in his hand , shouting ,"man that was a good hit", then said deer jumps up and beelines for the weeds, limping as she went.
"When you were born you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die you are smiling and everyone around you is crying."
If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
Washington didn't use his freedom of speech to defeat the British, He shot them!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy." -- Ernest Benn
January 30th, 2010 08:18 PM
LMAO, now that's something that I could have easily gotten myself into, before I learned my lesson.
January 31st, 2010 12:47 PM
Rule #1 Where there is one deer there are others.
The Second Amendment ...... Because crime SHOULD be a hazardous occupation.
If you want to piss off a conservative, lie to him.
If you want to piss off a liberal, tell him the truth.
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