16. Wrap pill in tuna.
This is a discussion on How to Give a Cat A Pill within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; How to Give a Cat A Pill 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a ...
How to Give a Cat A Pill
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.
Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3.. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.
Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7.. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing.
Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.
Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed.. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
16. Wrap pill in tuna.
I carry a gun cause I can't carry a cop.
Thanks...I am still on the floor LMAO!! I know of some friends who did almost this one to one of her cat. This will NOT be funny her when it was happening...the thing about some of these laughable stories are that, most of them really happened...
Bill and Izzie: Proud parents of a soldier.
I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
I hear that grinding the pill into powder and mixing it in the food can work. Then again, some can smell it a mile away.
Ask me how I know that putting medicated eye gell in a cat's eyes is WAY worse than given them a pill.
What's even worse than that is having to give a pill and THEN the eye gell.
I'm amazed I have any skin left at all.
As mentioned they do make a thing we call a "pill-popper", I think most vets will sell them do you for about $5. They do work pretty well in the fact that it keeps you fingers away from some sharp teeth. How much success you have depends on the cats personality and the skill of the operator.
BTW all-time great write-up about giving a cat a pill.
Helpful hints on pushing back and strengthening the 2A:
17. Read instructions and discover pill is to be inserted from the other end.
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You owe me a beer that went all over.
Les Baer 45
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Just get a new cat. It's way cheaper and less painful
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of ones youth, blessed is he who has a quiver full of them.They will not be ashamed, they will speak with thier enemies at the gate.