Security Levels

Security Levels

This is a discussion on Security Levels within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; In the light of the recent attempt to bring down a commercial aircraft by terrorists the English have raised their security level from "Miffed" to ...

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Thread: Security Levels

  1. #1
    Member Array Jex's Avatar
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    Feb 2009

    Security Levels

    In the light of the recent attempt to bring down a commercial aircraft
    by terrorists the English have raised their security level from
    "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet
    again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been
    "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran
    out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody
    Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
    warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

    The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
    the ********" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
    they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last
    300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
    terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
    France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by
    a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
    paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the French
    who are on a heightened level of alert.

    Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly"
    to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
    "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
    Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
    have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
    threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
    deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
    Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes,
    on all of their allies, just in case.

    And in the southern hemisphere...

    New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to
    "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the airforce being a
    squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some
    toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more
    level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue

    Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
    to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain:
    "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and
    "The barbie is cancelled".. So far no situation has ever warranted use
    of the final escalation level.

  2. #2
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    Array sigmanluke's Avatar
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    Feb 2009
    Pretty funny

    Thanks for the humor today!
    "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."
    Thomas Jefferson

  3. #3
    VIP Member Array rottkeeper's Avatar
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    Jul 2008
    Upstate New York

    Good stuff.
    For as the lightning comes from the east and flashes to the west, so also will the coming of the son of man be. Mathew 24:27

    NRA Member

  4. #4
    VIP Member Array JoJoGunn's Avatar
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    Mar 2009
    West Virginia

    And now for something completely different!
    "A Smith & Wesson always beats 4 aces!"

    The Man Prayer. "Im a man, I can change, if I have to.....I guess!" ~ Red Green

  5. #5
    Member Array carry ok's Avatar
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    May 2009
    My gut hurts.
    Extremism in the Defense of Liberty is No Vice--Moderation in the Pursuit of Justice is No Virtue. - Senator Barry Goldwater

  6. #6
    VIP Member Array searcher 45's Avatar
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    Sep 2009

    I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness,
    nor the arrow for its swiftness,
    nor the warrior for his glory.
    I love only that which they defend.
    -J.R.R. Tolkien

  7. #7
    VIP Member
    Array DaveH's Avatar
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    Feb 2008
    SW Virginia
    But did the French check the backup lights on the tanks, yet?
    Μολὼν λαβέ

    I'm just one root in a grassroots organization. No one should assume that I speak for the VCDL.

    I am neither an attorney-at-law nor I do play one on television or on the internet. No one should assumes my opinion is legal advice.

    Veni, Vidi, Velcro

  8. #8
    Member Array Sandbagger's Avatar
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    Jan 2010
    Glock 36, 20, 30, 29, PX4 Storm SC 9mm, Colt Delta Elite, Colt Agent, Sig C3, Kimber CDP 2, Firestar 40

    "Firearms are second only to the Constitution in importance; they are the peoples' liberty's teeth" - George Washington
    Remember the first rule of gunfighting... "have a gun." - Jeff Cooper

  9. #9
    Senior Member Array Spade115's Avatar
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    Jan 2010
    that was funny.
    When life gives you lemons, Open a lemonaid buisness.

  10. #10
    Distinguished Member Array Rugergirl's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    Not the best thing to read while you're eating soup!
    After I clean up the monitor and keyboard, I'll pass this along to the hubby.
    Disclaimer: The posts made by this member are only the members opinion, not a reflection on anyone else, nor the group, and should not be cause for anyone to get their undergarments wedged in an uncomfortable position.

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