Quick One-Liners to Brighten Your Day

This is a discussion on Quick One-Liners to Brighten Your Day within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; In a Podiatrist's office "Time wounds all heels." On a Septic Tank Truck Yesterday's Meals on Wheels At a Proctologist's door "To expedite your visit, ...

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Thread: Quick One-Liners to Brighten Your Day

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    Jan 2008
    Mid-Hudson Valley New York State

    Quick One-Liners to Brighten Your Day

    In a Podiatrist's office
    "Time wounds all heels."

    On a Septic Tank Truck
    Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

    At a Proctologist's door
    "To expedite your visit, please back in."

    On a Veterinarian and Taxidermist sharing same building:
    "Either way, you get your dog back".

    On a Plumber's truck
    "We repair what your husband fixed."

    On another Plumber's truck
    "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

    On a Church's Bill board
    "Seven days without God makes one weak."

    At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee
    "Invite us to your next blowout."

    At a Towing company
    "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

    On an Electrician's truck
    "Let us remove your shorts."

    In a Nonsmoking Area
    "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take
    appropriate action."

    On a Maternity Room door
    "Push. Push. Push."

    At an Optometrist's Office
    "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

    On a Taxidermist's window
    "We really know our stuff."

    On a Fence
    "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

    At a Car Dealership
    "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

    Outside a Muffler Shop
    "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

    In a Veterinarian's waiting room
    "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

    At the Electric Company
    "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

    In a Restaurant window
    "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."

    In the front yard of a Funeral Home
    "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

    At a Propane Filling Station
    "Thank heaven for little grills."

    Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck
    "Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

  2. #2
    VIP Member Array First Sgt's Avatar
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    Oct 2008
    Florence, SC
    Funny! Can always use the laughs to lighten and brighten the day...
    Sometimes in life you have to stand your ground. It's a hard lesson to learn and even most adults don't get it, but in the end only I can be responsible for my life. If faced with any type of adversity, only I can overcome it. Waiting for someone else to take responsibility is a long fruitless wait.

  3. #3
    Distinguished Member
    Array cammo's Avatar
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    Jan 2010

    And what a nice reminder to make that optometrist appointment!!!

  4. #4
    Distinguished Member Array Gunnutty's Avatar
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    Jan 2006
    Sign at a local plumbers shop; A royal flush beats a full house.
    We will be much better off when we learn to deal with things as they really are, instead of how we wish them to be!

  5. #5
    Distinguished Member Array razor02097's Avatar
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    Oct 2009
    at a bucher shop

    "a bird in the hand is worth $2.49/lb"
    There is something about firing 4,200 thirty millimeter rounds/min that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

  6. #6
    RMS is offline
    Senior Member Array RMS's Avatar
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    Apr 2009
    West KY
    Thanks for posting.

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