February 19th, 2010 08:37 AM
Quick One-Liners to Brighten Your Day
In a Podiatrist's office
"Time wounds all heels."
On a Septic Tank Truck
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
At a Proctologist's door
"To expedite your visit, please back in."
On a Veterinarian and Taxidermist sharing same building:
"Either way, you get your dog back".
On a Plumber's truck
"We repair what your husband fixed."
On another Plumber's truck
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
On a Church's Bill board
"Seven days without God makes one weak."
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee
"Invite us to your next blowout."
At a Towing company
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On an Electrician's truck
"Let us remove your shorts."
In a Nonsmoking Area
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take
On a Maternity Room door
"Push. Push. Push."
At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a Taxidermist's window
"We really know our stuff."
On a Fence
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
At a Car Dealership
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the Electric Company
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."
In a Restaurant window
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."
In the front yard of a Funeral Home
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
At a Propane Filling Station
"Thank heaven for little grills."
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
-- Benjamin Franklin
February 19th, 2010 09:53 AM
Funny! Can always use the laughs to lighten and brighten the day...
Sometimes in life you have to stand your ground. It's a hard lesson to learn and even most adults don't get it, but in the end only I can be responsible for my life. If faced with any type of adversity, only I can overcome it. Waiting for someone else to take responsibility is a long fruitless wait.
February 19th, 2010 11:04 AM
And what a nice reminder to make that optometrist appointment!!!
February 19th, 2010 11:28 AM
Sign at a local plumbers shop; A royal flush beats a full house.
We will be much better off when we learn to deal with things as they really are, instead of how we wish them to be!
February 19th, 2010 11:47 AM
at a bucher shop
"a bird in the hand is worth $2.49/lb"
There is something about firing 4,200 thirty millimeter rounds/min that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
February 19th, 2010 12:06 PM
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