Banned from Wal-mart

This is a discussion on Banned from Wal-mart within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I found this story and had to share, I know its a little old but still funny. This is why women should not take men ...

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Thread: Banned from Wal-mart

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array Mic's Avatar
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    Banned from Wal-mart

    I found this story and had to share, I know its a little old but still funny.

    This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart. Dear Mrs. Samsel, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2 . July 2 : Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked t he clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but not least.

    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'


    Regards, Tom Richards Walmart Manager
    Timid people sleep peacefully at night because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.


    Molôn Labé!

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  3. #2
    Member Array G27owner's Avatar
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    LMAO! This is so funny!
    "Shotgun bullets are bad for your health"
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    New Member Array Gabriel's Avatar
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    it gave me some ideas...

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    Maybe add some of those to the Wally World Walk requirement for the newbies!
    CCW permit holder for Idaho, Utah, Pennsylvania, Maine and New Hampshire. I can carry in your country but not my own.

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    Member Array MeatPuppet's Avatar
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    What isle is the tomato juice on?

    I think I may actually try the condom thing.

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    Member Array XDM40cal's Avatar
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    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    that would have been some great youtube vids..
    XDM 40cal bitoneXD40SC BitoneBersa 380.
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    Member Array Davensquirt's Avatar
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    Way too funny , Thanks this made my day way better.
    Dave
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    VIP Member Array searcher 45's Avatar
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    Walmart can take it !!!!!
    NOT LIVING IN FEAR, JUST READY!!!
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    Distinguished Member Array lacrosse50's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gabriel View Post
    it gave me some ideas...
    My thoughts exactly. I hate meandering around a store for hours...
    The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
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    VIP Member Array Stevew's Avatar
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    Coffee came out my nose.
    Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around laws. Plato

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    There is nothing bad about being banned from Wal-Mart..

  14. #13
    CC
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    Now off to Wal-Mart for some...

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  16. #15
    Member Array Impetus's Avatar
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    Great stuff! Stranger things though, have happened at WalMart I'm sure.
    "If it ain't a mess, it'll do till the mess gets here."
    -Sheriff Bell, No Country for Old Men

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