Passport Application (Funny)
This is a discussion on Passport Application (Funny) within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Just got this on an email.....thought you guys would like a morning giggle too................
This was (allegedly) actually taken from a passport application ...
February 20th, 2010 05:09 AM
Passport Application (Funny)
Just got this on an email.....thought you guys would like a morning giggle too................
This was (allegedly) actually taken from a passport application and a member of staff copied it, as it made her laugh all day.
Subject: Passport Application
I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.
How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has
my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?
How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?
How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won nor where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.
Do you people do this by hand?
You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years,and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astoundedif that ever changed between now and the day I die!
I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough!
You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address.
What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthalsworking there?
Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake!
I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.
Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?
But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!
Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!
I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London.
I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor... who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...
An Irate British Citizen.
February 20th, 2010 05:09 AM
February 20th, 2010 05:23 AM
Thats good! I feel like that sometimes with our government!
February 20th, 2010 06:01 AM
Originally Posted by Avenger
I thought it went both sides of the pond!!
February 20th, 2010 07:01 AM
same crap here and is will get worst.
An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
Red State State of Mind
February 20th, 2010 07:13 AM
It isn't the left wing or right wing politicians I fear, it is the beauracrats!
I fear the power that these un-elected, uneducated and unhirable (outside the public sector) individuals have over our everyday lives. My work puts me in contact with these folk on a daily, if not hourly, basis. I see absolute glee in the eyes of some as they exercise their "power" over the rest of us.
I should say that there are some who do not fit this description at all, but they are rare in the extreme.
Public "servants" - HAH!!!
"Mind own business"
"Always cut cards"
February 20th, 2010 07:36 AM
Yuppers...Big G can be a bummer! And much more to come too!
February 20th, 2010 09:05 AM
But I was only following orders.............
Originally Posted by RoadRunner71
Didn't we hear that in 1946???
What goes around comes around....As we say over here!!
February 20th, 2010 09:58 AM
Check out this site. The government should be this efficient.
Last edited by Kahrdoor; February 20th, 2010 at 09:59 AM.
February 20th, 2010 11:01 AM
Great letter, exactly how Government's work.....kind of like this too....
Nobody knows anything, anyone or how to do anything until someone who knows nothing and can't do anything sends a memo to the ones who don't know and can't do anything to do something. Then the one's who didn't get the memo or can't read it don't know who to talk to in order to find out who didn't know what to do and who wasn't able to tell anyone how to do it in the first place.
Then, they all go to lunch. At least they know how to do that.
They resume in the afternoon, not knowing what to do because someone didn't tell them and they aren't responsible because they don't know, didn't get the instruction from someone who should know but doesn't because the one's above them don't know what they are doing.
By then, the day is over and they all go home with nothing done, and it will resume the next day, unless it's a holiday and they have the day off and note, that nothing will be done.
"A Smith & Wesson always beats 4 aces!"
The Man Prayer. "Im a man, I can change, if I have to.....I guess!" ~ Red Green
February 20th, 2010 11:09 AM
Timid people sleep peacefully at night because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.
February 20th, 2010 11:28 AM
Yup. A bit of home right there in Blighty.
Originally Posted by Tint Bob
February 20th, 2010 04:27 PM
That's great. The last line is a hoot.
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