Famous Last Words

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Thread: Famous Last Words

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array .45acp's Avatar
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    Famous Last Words

    Think before you speak...



    Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
    the last one is great!
    Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
    immediately take the words back...
    or that you could crawl into a hole?
    Here are the testimonials of a few people who did....


    FIRST testIMONY:


    I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
    and asked loudly,
    "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
    I turned around and walked back out and never went back
    My husband didn't say a word...
    he knew better.


    SECOND testIMONY:


    I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
    I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
    After browsing for several minutes,
    I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
    who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
    Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
    "I think I like playing with men's balls."


    THIRD testIMONY:


    My sister and I were at the mall and
    passed by a store that sold a
    variety of candy and nuts.
    As we were looking at the display case,
    the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
    I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
    My sister started to laugh hysterically.
    The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
    To this day,
    my sister has never let me forget.


    FOURTH testIMONY:


    While in line at the bank one afternoon,
    my toddler decided to release
    some pent-up energy and ran amok.
    I was finally able to grab hold of
    her after receiving looks of disgust
    and annoyance from other patrons.
    I told her that if she did not start behaving
    "right now" she would be punished.
    To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a
    voice just as threatening,
    "If you don't let me go right now,
    I will tell Grandma that I saw you
    kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
    The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
    Even the tellers stopped
    what they were doing.
    I mustered up the last of my dignity and
    walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
    The last thing I heard when
    the door closed behind me,
    were screams of laughter.


    FIFTH testIMONY:


    Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
    Mythree-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
    and I was on him constantly.
    One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
    in between errands.
    It was very busy, with a full dining room.
    While enjoying my taco,
    I smelled something funny,
    so of course I checked
    my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
    The realized that Danny
    had not asked to go potty in a while.
    I asked him if he needed to go,
    and he said "No".
    I kept thinking
    "Oh Lord, that child has had an
    accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
    Then I said,
    "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
    "No," he replied.
    I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
    because the smell was getting worse.
    Soooooo, I asked one more time,
    "Danny, did you have an accident?"
    This time he jumped up,
    yanked down his pants,
    bent over,
    spread his cheeks
    and yelled
    "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
    While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
    he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
    An old couple made me feel better,
    thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


    LAST BUT NOT LEAST testIMONY:


    This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
    and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
    in the future, likely think before she speaks.
    What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
    We had a female news anchor that,
    the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
    turned to the weatherman and asked:
    "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
    Not only did HE have to leave the set,
    but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

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  3. #2
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    Oh, good grief. I'm going to have to clean off my computer screen now.
    eschew obfuscation

    The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD

  4. #3
    Senior Member Array AirForceShooter's Avatar
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    this one is true.
    My wife was incharge of the computers in her school .At a meeting she was asked why so many of the mice weren't working. Her reply:
    "Because they lost their balls."
    I'll never let her forget that.

    AFS
    Gun control is hitting what you aim at

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    Distinguished Member Array BCurry1's Avatar
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    That was good!!
    Curry

  6. #5
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    I always thought famous last words were, "Hold my beer and watch this!"
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

  7. #6
    VIP Member Array KenpoTex's Avatar
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    Those are awesome!!!
    "Being a predator isn't always comfortable but the only other option is to be prey. That is not an acceptable option." ~Phil Messina

    If you carry in Condition 3, you have two empty chambers. One in the weapon...the other between your ears.

    Matt K.

  8. #7
    Ex Member Array quantum36's Avatar
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    I was in line at the cashier at our local grocery store. The cashier was checking a woman's items when the computer failed to give a price on a box of Tampax. The cashier then sent a bagboy into the aisle for a price check. A few moments later he came back and asked the cashier:

    "what kind do you want? The kind you push in with your thumb or hit with a hammer?"

    Apparently he confused "thumbtacks" with "Tampax".

  9. #8
    VIP Member Array sixgun's Avatar
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    I had a ruff day at work. And those made it better of a night. I was laughing my a** off. Good work.

  10. #9
    VIP Member Array maclean3's Avatar
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    My wife and I were having dinner at Logan's with her family one night. I was sitting directly across the table from my BIL's wife when she told the waitress she'd like an 8 inch (steak), well done. I damn near choked on my tea! After dinner I told her she was putting too much pressure on her husband.
    Jack

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