need some help with the wife.... - Page 3

need some help with the wife....

This is a discussion on need some help with the wife.... within the Open Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Im separated and getting divorced, the fact I carry and just OWN GUNS had a part in it. Just saying... Honestly, if she fails to ...

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Thread: need some help with the wife....

  1. #31
    Member Array SteveinNEPA's Avatar
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    Im separated and getting divorced, the fact I carry and just OWN GUNS had a part in it. Just saying...

    Honestly, if she fails to understand the reasons you carry she wont give a damn weather its OCd or CCd because she will eventually find out. Give her FACTS on crime,911 response time and such, if nothing works then you my friend have some choices to make. Im giving it to you straight because I know from experience what can happen - Good Luck and hope everything works out.
    BETTER TO BE TRIED BY 12 THAN CARRIED BY 6
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  2. #32
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    Here are some links you can suggest she check out.
    They are full of stories of everyday people who, in most cases are fortunate enough to have had a firearm to confront evil.

    http://hematite.com/dragon/gcselfdefense.html

    The Armed Citizen

    Keep and Bear Arms - Gun Owners Home Page - 2nd Amendment Supporters

    John Lott's Website: Counting news stories on defensive gun uses

    ^^^This one here, scroll down to where it says Labels: Concealed carry, Defensive gun use^^^^
    And click on those links.

    If she doesn't begin to see the light after a few weeks, shes not going to.
    If she says "oh that would never happen
    A) here"
    B) to us"
    C)to me"
    D) those people must have brought it on themselves"
    Theres not much else to say.
    I have a cousin who is of this thought process, and It will take a tragic act against his family , and I still don't think he'll get it.
    Sorry you didn't know her better before you became so involved with her.
    If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

    Washington didn't use his freedom of speech to defeat the British, He shot them!

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  3. #33
    Member Array HiFreq47's Avatar
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    Want to make your wife more comfortable around firearms - don't listen to guys - listen to a woman:

    Cornered Cat - How to Make Your Wife Hate Guns
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    Glock 23 in a Barber Leatherworks IWB

  4. #34
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    Array RETSUPT99's Avatar
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    It took a looooooong time (decades) for my wife to come around, but there was never a discussion about my SD/HD. If she didn't want to carry, OK, but my SD/HD was never/never will be an item for negotiations.

    Just today we went to DisneyWorld in Orlando. The domestic general was concerned (without any knowledge about FL laws) about carrying at Disney. I said, "You don't understand the law, and it is not an item that we will be discussing."

    You see, we had the grandkids along, my job is to protect ALL of us...I'll do so, legally...as I see fit.

    I carried for the day, she said nothing more, nor was she angry. She already know that SD/HD will not be a topic for discussion. I'll always keep it legal, but I'll carry when, where, and how I feel...as the need arises...basically 24/7 (when not at school).

    I have never let her get anywhere NEAR the upper hand in self-defense for myself or the family.
    I don't mind her asking, or bringing it up...I'll listen...but I'm not going anywhere without a way to defend myself.
    I know what is legal...I always keep it that way...that's pretty much it.

    Side Note: I have been married to the same woman for 38+ years...I know what I can push, she knows what she cannot. That's a two-way street for various subjects.
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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  5. #35
    Member Array merischino's Avatar
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    "It's just to Wallmart"

    Uhm. Please, right now, go and google "wallmart" and "police" together in the same search.

    The list of violent events from police blotters taking place at Wallmart is, in a word, staggering.

    A little more diligent/persistent of a serach will result in finding the (multiple) studies published which show that police departments across the nation are having to expand their departments and their budgets to accomodate the multiple-daily events at local Wallmarts basically everywhere across the country, where jurisdictions that were thrilled to get a new local Wallmart change their tune when they realize that virtually all of their policing is taking place on Wallmart property.

    Seriously, the statement "it's just to Wallmart" is the exact opposite of a convincing argument to NOT wear a gun to the store.

    nota bene: my google search results included the following preface: About 3,970,000 results (0.35 seconds)

    PS A sampling of links found when entering a google search for "wallmart police study" which had About 2,030,000 results (0.33 seconds) :

    May 2, 2006 ... The study, entitled “Is Wal-Mart Safe?” analyzed the official 2004 police incident reports (i.e. calls for police service) at 551 Wal-Mart ...
    WakeUpWalMart.com Releases First National Wal-Mart Crime Study - "Is Wal-Mart Safe?"
    http://www.losspreventionmagazine.co...cal_Review.pdf

    From the Huffington Post: "The study also found that Wal-Mart had a significantly higher number of reported police incidents than nearby Target stores. For the sample, the average ..."
    Al Norman: Now Playing: Wal-Mart's Theater of Public Alienation

    From Locust, NC: "A million police calls a year at Wallmart"
    Locust, N.C. A million police calls a year at Wal-Mart | Wal-Mart Watch | Fighting for Wal-Mart Workers | Employee Free Choice Act

    For a female's perspective, I think your "hump" with your wife will be with her willingness to accept the existing facts about whether or not her life as it stands "is safe". Probably a combination of education (sharing these facts, for example, about Wallmart with her) and patience as she forces herself to face her fears head on, gulp, and start planning for her own, your, and your future children's actual safety.

    While I can sympathize with a person having to accept reality is a process that is difficult and sometimes must occur over a span of time, I'm hoping that her choices of how to communicate her displeasure, over any issue safety oriented or not, gets a little better.
    People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like.
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    A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
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  6. #36
    Member Array Broken's Avatar
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    Man, everyone is going light on this guys wife. With my girlfriend thread everyone was all GET RID OF HER. OFF WITH HER HEAD. SHES A WITCH, KILL WITH FIRE.
    All Day I Dream About Sigs

  7. #37
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    Array RETSUPT99's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Broken View Post
    Man, everyone is going light on this guys wife. With my girlfriend thread everyone was all GET RID OF HER. OFF WITH HER HEAD. SHES A WITCH, KILL WITH FIRE.
    Divorce is very costly...
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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  8. #38
    VIP Member Array grady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harryball View Post
    Dear, you are going to have to get used to me carrying my firearm. If you can not deal with that, then maybe we should just part ways. I understand your want for a child, but you are to violent to bring a child into our relationship.
    Good call, Harryball.

    If this happened to me, I would have her removed from the home and charged with domestic violence. She would then be required to complete an anger management course. And because it impacted her life, she might reconsider when tempted to repeat a similar act in the future.

    This would not be my choice for all spouses. Some could be reached with logic or other means. I think many would be mature enough in the first place to not throw keys and a temper tantrum.

    Some spouses will continue such violence until it impacts their own lives. If a spouse is this type, one can either lay down the law up front, or live with continued acts of violence, acts which usually escalate over time if they are not confronted with consequences.

    That's what I'd tell a woman in such circumstances, and the advice doesn't change when the roles are reversed.

    I ain't playing that game. If my wife was violent as such, she could either leave of her own free will, or I would have her removed. Life is too short to put up with stuff like that.

    Some people might tolerate abusive behavior like this. I won't.

    And I'd dang sure reconsider having a child with someone of such temperment.

  9. #39
    Member Array Kortanis's Avatar
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    I can only add what has already been said. I'm currently in the process of convincing my wife to go take her ccw class. (It's still gonna be a while.)

    However, just as the stories I read of crime and defensive incidents assure me that I carry for a good reason, they also affect her in the same way. I think you should casually start bringing up the stories. Don't do it to convince her, do it to have a conversation with her about something that interests you. Heck, even watching the nightly news can do the job these days...

    Try carrying with an IWB holster, even switching to a different firearm. Out of sight, out of mind.

    Aside from that, does she really know why you carry? I've made it clear that I carry because I love my wife and kids, and there are people in the world that are willing to hurt them. It sounds cheesy, but that's the most basic reason I have. My wife can't question that.
    XD-40sc w/Fed HST My father taught me to always use the right tool for the job.
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  10. #40
    VIP Member Array chiefjason's Avatar
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    1- settle this before kids.

    2- If you can CC, do that around her and OC on your own. This is coming from a married guy who likes to OC, but my wife does not particularly like it. Occasionally I OC around her. But I have a CC permit. I can carry a gun either way. OC will not become an issue in my marriage, PERIOD!!! OC and CC allows me to protect my family. My wife is more comfortable with CC, so it's mostly CC around her. She is the only person that I allow to make that kind of call, other than myself. Basically, the marriage is WAY more important to me than whether I CC or OC.

    3- Rights are great. But a marriage is about compromise. The marriage has to be the most important thing. Not what you or her want. What's best for the marriage. The only thing that could take precedence over my marriage is my faith. Imagine a circle with the two of you in it. The marriage is the circle. Everything else in both your lives needs to be outside that circle. Decisions about things outside that circle need to be made based on what's best for the circle, by both of you. If one of you lets your personal want's become more important than the marriage it will become a major issue.

    4- CC for a bit and show her the news stuff. Point it out in the paper, on TV, and on here.

    My wife has gone from not interested in shooting, to shooting a bit, to buying a shotgun and pistol, to scheduling a class for her CCP in the last 18 months. There was never a lot of pressure from me. Just kept offering to take her to the range. Kept making comments about crime in the area. Talked to her about being able to take care of herself and the kids when I am not around. She asked for the shotgun for Christmas. She decided she wanted her own pistol. She told me last week she was thinking about getting her CCP. But NEVER did I allow the issue of me carrying to become a big fight or issue in our marriage. We had a few discussions about it. I OC'd a bit till my permit came in. Then I just CC'd when I went out with her. She knows I always carry when we go out. And I OC at home, all the time.


    If you want the marriage to survive your decision to carry (which is a good one BTW) it will take patience, kindness, love, and try to find out what problems she has with it. Try to see it from her point of view so you can reach a compromise. Let things cool off and then pro actively sit down and talk about it. Before you sit down with her you need to get you priorities straight regarding how important OC is, and whether it's more important than your marriage right now.
    I prefer to live dangerously free than safely caged!

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  11. #41
    VIP Member Array SIGguy229's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Broken View Post
    Man, everyone is going light on this guys wife. With my girlfriend thread everyone was all GET RID OF HER. OFF WITH HER HEAD. SHES A WITCH, KILL WITH FIRE.


    Ya see...he's already made the committment....and he has to live with the consequences....as retsupt99 said:

    Divorce is very costly...
    ...as a girlfriend <> wife

    This should be your crystal ball...as there is a lesson here....somewhere....
    Magazine <> clip - know the difference

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  12. #42
    Member Array irelande's Avatar
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    well guys thanks for all the repsonses, im definilty in the process of pointing put all of the crap going on and how even in "good" areas of towns and smaller towns that there are tons of violence and need for protection, as for CC i am licenced to do so, how ever as i first said my wesson 357 is jsut a little bulky for comfortable CC, i am lookign for a nice cc, however like i said before funds are tight, but i think after her over reaction today she will not be saying anything, and on an ever better not my nads had no lingering problem(lol yeah had to make a joke there)
    and i must say this, I Love my wife very much and that i do believe that we must both make compromises and will be having a sit down talk about all of this, but once again thanks for all the responses,

  13. #43
    Member Array Shackleton's Avatar
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    Good luck. I'm single, so not much help there. I will say in my gun shy friends thread, the general consensus was either "concealed means concealed" or "tell your friends to deal or find new ones!"

    Hopefully she'll come around. Sorry about your gnads, man...I hope your voice is back to normal now
    Semper Paratus

    ‎"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - George Orwell

  14. #44
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    Well thank god my wife isn't like that. Hope your situation can improve.

  15. #45
    Distinguished Member Array Spec's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dsully View Post
    Ask her if she wears a seatbelt when she drives. Ask her why. Then tell her, we are just going up to the store, don't put it on. See if she can see where you are coming from. If not, you are just going to have to put up with it until you save her life or your own. It's a shame.
    I love the seat belt example. It is the most common and easiest for non-gun people to understand.
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