When 2A belief hinders your social life.

This is a discussion on When 2A belief hinders your social life. within the The Second Amendment & Gun Legislation Discussion forums, part of the Related Topics category; Just wanted to get a few thoughts. A different thread made me consider than my 2A view has limited my wife (and myself). It is ...

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Thread: When 2A belief hinders your social life.

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Thanis's Avatar
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    When 2A belief hinders your social life.

    Just wanted to get a few thoughts. A different thread made me consider than my 2A view has limited my wife (and myself). It is not that I'm not willing to take the hit for the belief itself.

    For example, we now only have one near by movie theater I am willing to frequent because:

    #1 I don't want to support locations that have a no firearm policy.
    #2 I don't like to share with friends that I CC.

    It has gotten to a point that friends no longer ask my wife and I to join them, as they think I'm to picky (and maybe they like some other location for a different reason).

    This has happened to us in the past, due to bars, but in general I don't drink much, so I don't mind. The issue of sporting events has also come up. We are becoming the outsiders.

    While most of these friends are pro to neutral CC / 2A, I just don't like to share that I CC. Not so much because I don't trust them, but I may not trust who they trust, and now who that 3rd person trusts, and so on.

    My wife has suggested it might be fine to share (not so much her view, just a question made during an on going conversation), but I've had one semi-bad experience sharing that I CC outside my family. A situation I can't hold against that person, as it involved a spouse.

    In the end, I've desided one factor is no matter how much I trust a person, I don't like holding them responsible for keeping my private matters, because they have trust relationships I may be infringing on. To clarify, I'm stating it is sometimes dishornable to take a friend in confidence when they are bound to share that knowledge when asked by another.

    My wife states I'm painting myself into a corner. I'm thinking I may need to just leave the firearm at home. I've done this in the past for sports events. Once or twice when headed to the bar.

    DO I ADD MOVIE's TO THE LIST?

    I don't like securing a firearm in another's vehicle, and often these social events out require sharing vehicles (due to the number of people, and we only have cars). From designated driver to the number of parking passes.

    Could just use some thoughts. Thanks.
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  3. #2
    Member Array Goodtime Charlie's Avatar
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    Don't let peer pressure influence you into doing something that is unsafe for you and your family. You are the "security expert" for yourself and your family, and sometimes the security expert has to spoil the fun, because they know that doing something is less than safe.

    Stick to your ideals. Perhaps some day you will be attending the funerals of a family that died somewhere that they invited you and your family to accompany them to.

    With apologies to Napoleaon Hill, Think and grow old.
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  4. #3
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    Yeah, sometimes it is hard. Personally, I am a homebody, but when I do go out, I volunteer to drive. When going to the movies I drop everyone off at the front door and then go park. This leaves me free to secure my pistol in relative privacy.

    As far as telling others about your CC? I have one friend who can't keep his mouth shut about it. It surprises me every time he opens up to people HE knows about MY CC. That is life. You have to live with your mistakes and learn from them.

    Good luck.
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  5. #4
    Ex Member Array 98LSWON's Avatar
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    I wouldn't let it keep me from doing things, I prefer to carry as much as I can but if I'm going somewhere that I can't carry, I'm still going w/out the gun. Maybe get some knife training or learn to use a kubaton.

  6. #5
    Senior Member Array DPro.40's Avatar
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    Tough situation. I wouldn't divulge that you CC if you don't want too. Peer pressure is not a valid reason to feel bad about something you firmly believe in. Most important thing is your relationship with your wife. I'm older and not too many friends but the friends I do have wouldn't get through a metal detector anyway. Maybe the problem is not that you CC but that you have changed over the years. New friends are not out of the question. I remember at Christmas one year my sister hugged me and felt the belly band with the Sig 380 in in it. She didn't feel the pistol, just the band. She carried on and joked all night about how I was wearing a girdle. So be it. She had her fun and it didn't matter to me. She still doesnt know years later. Basically, this situation will take care of itself over time. I wouldn't loose any sleep over it. Good Luck.
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    Senior Member Array Plop's Avatar
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    Stick to your guns! (Literally and figuratively!)

    It sounds like you have thought this out well, I applaud your reasoning for not telling others about your CC. What should matter most is what is important to you, and only you will be able to figure that out. Only you can decide if hanging out with your friends unarmed is worth the risk. (If you do decide that it's worth the risk, then your SA will become all the more important.)

    Personally I'd never go to a movie theater unarmed, but that's me. Luckily the friends I hang out with all carry as well, so it's a non-issue with me.

    Good luck with your decision!
    -Plop
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  8. #7
    Member Array torgo1968's Avatar
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    I don't think anyone here or elsewhere should tell you what choice to make. Ultimately, you need to put your options in front of you and decide what makes the most sense and what you are willing to live with. I wouldn't tell you that my choice is right and that that of anyone else is wrong because I don't know their particular circumstances or what life experiences they've had to get to where they are now.

    My attitude is that I do wish to keep my carrying to myself, though I'm not terrified of friends finding out (a couple already know and it's no big deal). I carry whenever I can, but I don't let carry prevent me from enjoying the things that make life fun. Crime is a reality, but unless you are in particular circumstances, it is a very unlikely reality, even more so if you are in a group. The most important skill we have while armed works when we are unarmed, situational awareness. So am I at greater risk unarmed? Yes. But I have informally calculated that that risk is not great enough to give up our social interactions (particularly when these interactions have importance beyond just having fun).

    Other people might live in less fortunate circumstances, more crime ridden areas, etc. So for them, the risk might not be worth it, and that's fine. You have to do the calculation for your life and then live it and be happy.

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    Member Array homepcmd's Avatar
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    Funny how this happened to me...

    I guess it's normal.

    My issue is sports bars that many at work like to go to for lunch or happy hour.

    It's bad enough that I can't have my firearm ON ME at work itself... but once I get in my car... I put it on. And since I am "forced" (by choice) to not be armed... I don't like going anywhere in the area unless I absolutely have to (cheap real estate HAS a reason you know).

    I have been told that I am antisocial. But I must admit that it does protect me from the 3STUPIDS (don't do stupid things, don't hang with stupid people and don't go to stupid places).

    In South Fl... those three rules are broken every minute of the day... and the consequences are brutal.
    “We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm” - George Orwell

  10. #9
    VIP Member Array miklcolt45's Avatar
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    Thanis,

    Obviously it is your and your wife's choice as to what you do, who you tell, where you go, and with whom you go.

    I think I would ask myself:

    1. Is this lifestyle getting in the way of my life?
    (i.e., I want friends, but rarely can go with them due to the limitations you mentioned)

    2. Are my choices getting in the way of the relationship with my wife?

    3. Would I be having more enjoyment by going without carrying, or carrying and not going?

    We all make choices in life. We can't have everything we want. Some choices will require us to give up something. We have to decide, however, because not to decide IS to decide.
    Last edited by miklcolt45; December 5th, 2009 at 09:06 AM. Reason: grammatical emendation
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  11. #10
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    I can't offer any advice.

    I surround myself with people that carry guns. We share the same beliefs,politics standards, morals, hunt together,shoot together, eat out together,even go to church together.

    In my situation, not carrying a gun would have you being the outsider.
    I would rather stand against the cannons of the wicked than against the prayers of the righteous.


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  12. #11
    Senior Member Array Jackle1886's Avatar
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    I was under the impression that MI didn't have a "no firearms allowed" sign? At least one that carried any weight. Conceal it and your fine, or leave it at home, those are your two options. A few times a year I will go into a bar, or attend a Tigers game, and have to disarm. I don't like it, actually it really frustrates me especially in Detroit, but it is what it is. When I leave the pistol out, I carry a big can of mace instead. So hopefully a very bright light, mace, and if all else fails my hands and a knife will get me home safely. Carry as much as you can, but don't alienate yourself from others at the same time.

    Maybe you should be the one to invite people, that way you can pick the venue.
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  13. #12
    Distinguished Member Array MinistrMalic's Avatar
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    Great questions. You've heard already that the men and women on this forum respect that you're thinking these things through and considering your options.

    Everyone has an opinion about whether to tell they CC. AZ is an OC state, and my personal opinion is that I am not too worried about who knows that I carry. My employers are fine with it, my family is fine with it, my church is fine with it. So I am not too worried about people knowing. With my friends we also let them know if there is a social event that would be hard for me because of a no firearms policy or whatever. My friends know that self-defense is important to me and they respect that.

    If it's putting a crimp in your social life IMAO I think it would be better and more respectful to talk to your friends about it than just let the friendships wither away, and infinitely better than going out "naked." If they are friends then your issues are their issues. Imagine if I had a friend who really didn't like a business because of some other business practice and I in my ignorance kept going there. How much would I want my friend to talk to me so we could go somewhere else?
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    Quote Originally Posted by homepcmd View Post
    Funny how this happened to me...

    I guess it's normal.

    My issue is sports bars that many at work like to go to for lunch or happy hour.

    It's bad enough that I can't have my firearm ON ME at work itself... but once I get in my car... I put it on. And since I am "forced" (by choice) to not be armed... I don't like going anywhere in the area unless I absolutely have to (cheap real estate HAS a reason you know).

    I have been told that I am antisocial. But I must admit that it does protect me from the 3STUPIDS (don't do stupid things, don't hang with stupid people and don't go to stupid places).

    In South Fl... those three rules are broken every minute of the day... and the consequences are brutal.
    +1000 on the 3 Stupids^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    Quote Originally Posted by torgo1968 View Post
    I don't think anyone here or elsewhere should tell you what choice to make. Ultimately, you need to put your options in front of you and decide what makes the most sense and what you are willing to live with. I wouldn't tell you that my choice is right and that that of anyone else is wrong because I don't know their particular circumstances or what life experiences they've had to get to where they are now.

    My attitude is that I do wish to keep my carrying to myself, though I'm not terrified of friends finding out (a couple already know and it's no big deal). I carry whenever I can, but I don't let carry prevent me from enjoying the things that make life fun. Crime is a reality, but unless you are in particular circumstances, it is a very unlikely reality, even more so if you are in a group. The most important skill we have while armed works when we are unarmed, situational awareness. So am I at greater risk unarmed? Yes. But I have informally calculated that that risk is not great enough to give up our social interactions (particularly when these interactions have importance beyond just having fun).

    Other people might live in less fortunate circumstances, more crime ridden areas, etc. So for them, the risk might not be worth it, and that's fine. You have to do the calculation for your life and then live it and be happy.
    YEP^^^^^^^^^^




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  15. #14
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    I understand your delima, but at my age (sixth decade), I couldn't care less about what others think. I have few friends, but a lot of associates.
    I trust no one, and only go places where I can carry (besides work, and that sucks...state law prohibits it). Fortunately, FL does not limit one's CCW much, I appreciate that.
    I would not let my SD mode choose my friends for me...I'd carry, if they don't like it (if they know), it's their problem not mine.
    The first time one of your 'anti' friends gets robbed, raped, or murdered, the rest of the group will come running for your words of wisdom on SD.
    Stand your ground, within reason, and practice your skills...grow in understanding and use of your SD weapons. Friends come and go in life, and when the going gets real tough, you'll find out that your REAL friends are few and far between. Make your wife your best friend and consider the rest 'fair weather associates'.
    At work, I get along very well with the liberals who love BHO and think guns are stupid...I just laugh inside and think, "You poor dumb thing." The good side of my liberal friends at 'school' is that almost a dozen of them have now been converted to the smart side...permits and all. I've been there 5 years and they all know my feelings...I know theirs...life goes on.
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  16. #15
    Distinguished Member Array PastorPack's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jackle1886 View Post
    I was under the impression that MI didn't have a "no firearms allowed" sign? At least one that carried any weight. Conceal it and your fine, or leave it at home, those are your two options.
    If Jackal is right about MI law re: signs, maybe the question is "is it worth losing your friends to keep up your silent boycott of movie theaters with signs?
    God is love (1 John 4:8)

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