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Originally Posted by ruertar
I realize that it is unfair to try to compare a paint ball match with real-life defensive shooting.
As soon as the match started and paint balls were whizzing by, I lost my composure.
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It's completely fair to compare/contrast the two. Paintball, Airsoft games, Simunitions and other live-fire, force-on-force training situations can be about as close to being shot at as you'll ever get. They have value, in that sense.
Specifically, they can help you understand where some weaknesses and strengths lay, either in terms of composure, movement, use/misuse of cover, and so on. Though, without guidance by decent instructors, you might well not pick up on what's missing.
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How do I learn to stay calm and collected in a self defense/combat situation?
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The one crucial element is, IMO, ongoing, effective training with those who know far more than you. Training, not merely practice.
Frequent, varied training, excellent instructors with strong guidance, realistic scenarios ... all of it can help.
I'm sure some of the instructors in force-on-force / simulations training will be chiming in.