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I'd second the Kahr P9; I have one, thousands of rounds and it's never failed. I got the blackened stainless slide with night sights. Carry's all day long and shoots well, lightweight, accurate, single stack and thin which makes it easy to conceal but it's still a full grip.
Then I'd also consider the K9, it's the stainless version of the P9, has the best feeling grip of any gun I've ever handled. It is heavy and would require a good gun belt and holster to carry it comfortably all day. I've never shot one but have to believe it'll have minimum recoil and be a dream to shoot. But it is heavy.
As for .45, I recently purchased a Colt New Agent 1911. I was worried about reliability, recoil and didn't like the trench sites; I've been to the range twice now and have almost 500 rounds through it and here's what I've learned:
-the recoil is way better than I expected; better than any .40 I've ever shot and it's as good as some 9mm's I've shot in lightweight guns.
-Mine has been very reliable. There are a few JHP ammo's it didn't care for but it eats most brands of JHP, all ball ammo and it likes Remington Golden Sabers alot!
-Trench Site; this was my biggest hangup with the gun; I liked the no snag, all business look of this gun but wasn't sure how I'd take to the trench sight. Well, I love it now. I can't group then as tight as a good blade in rear notch setup but just about. at 10-12 yards I can hold 2-3 inch groups. This gun is set up for exactly 1 thing, defensive situations. I'm 47 so the eyes aren't what they used to be so point shooting with the trench is actually easier for me than 3 dots.
The bad? .45's cost an arm and a leg over the 9mm.
Finally, I just love the Springfield EMP in 9mm and hope to have one someday. I like the fact that is so light, compact and yet you have 10 rounds on board and I believe it'll shoot great. Only thing I'd do is change the ambi safety to a one side tactical safety.
So there are a lot of choices out there but for a flat semi, I'd really consider the Kahrs; if money is an issue look at their CW line.
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