Please advise- Issues with daughter's friend

Please advise- Issues with daughter's friend

This is a discussion on Please advise- Issues with daughter's friend within the Bob & Terry's Place forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Our 10 year old daughter is best friends with two girls. Both other families live about a 30 minutes drive time from our house, and ...

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  1. #1
    VIP Member Array WebleyHunter's Avatar
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    Please advise- Issues with daughter's friend

    Our 10 year old daughter is best friends with two girls. Both other families live about a 30 minutes drive time from our house, and generally in the same area. Letís call them Girl A and Girl B. As expected, Girl A and Girl B often play together. Our daughter goes to Girl Aís house every few months, but not as often as she goes to Girl Bís house.

    Girl A lives with her Grandparents, and they seems to be the ones raising her. Itís my understanding that the Mom (Grandparents daughter-in-law) passed away, but I am unsure of what occurred. Girl Aís father (the Grandparents son) doesnít not seem to play a big role in the family, but lives in the house. I will call him John Smith.

    Due to frequent high fire danger here in the foothills, I frequently listen to the Broadcastify scanner than combines county fire, medical and LEO channels into one internet stream. Late one night over a month ago, I heard a call go out for an elderly woman who has fallen and hurt her leg. The address sounded familiar, and as I perked my ears, the additional statement went out for medical to stage until LEO could secure the area due to the occupancy of the residence by John Smith. Obviously, John Smith is known has a history with LEO.

    I hadnít really too much further until this past Saturday. Girl A, Girl B and my daughter were at their schoolís fall picnic. Girl A had been brought by her Grandfather, who in the course of light conversation confirmed that his wife had broken her leg. All of the girls wanted to play together at Girl Aís house for a bit afterwards. When I went to pick-up my daughter, the Grandfather introduced me to his son, John Smith. We shook hands and I didnít get super-dooper vibe from him.

    Digging a little bit on Google, I found the following booking information from last year:

    18-3-203 SECOND DEGREE ASLT
    18-12-108(2)(A) POSSESSION OF WEAPON
    18-3-204 THIRD DEGREE ASSAULT
    18-6-401(7)(B)(I) CHILD ABUSE-KNOW/REC
    18-6-800.3 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
    18-8-707 TAMPERING WITH A WIT
    18-8-212(1) VIOLATION OF BAIL BO
    18-6-803.5(2)(A) VIOLATION OF A RESTR

    Ugh- Now what do I do?
    Mind my own business?
    Tell my wife?
    Tell Girl Bís parents?
    Ask the Grandfather what the story is with his son?
    Forbid my daughter from going to Girl Aís house?

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  2. #2
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    First, discuss with your wife, next, I would sit down with the grandfather during school hours unencumbered by little ears. If John Smith is there, go get coffee.

    Then re-evaluate..
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  3. #3
    Distinguished Member Array ETXhiker's Avatar
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    You know this guy is trouble. I wouldn't let your daughter anywhere near the place. Yes, she will be upset with you. That's okay, she will understand in 10 or 15 years.
    "There are some ideas that are so wrong, only a very intelligent person could believe them." - George Orwell

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    Yes

  6. #5
    Distinguished Member Array Shootnlead's Avatar
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    Very simple...daughter doesn't go there anymore. Tell whomever you have to, to make it clear that the visitations at that residence are finished...Girl A is welcome to come visit with your daughter at your home.

    Let me be unequivocal about this...my daughter would not be going back there.
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    When we had littles we always preferred them to play at our house, especially if the playmates were ďproblematicĒ
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    "If we suppose them sincere, we must pity their ignorance; if insincere, we must abhor the spirit of deception which it betrays." Alexander Hamilton

  8. #7
    VIP Member Array Havok's Avatar
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    Do you know if the guy was ever convicted of anything? On one hand Iíd say if it were my child, thereís no way she would ever be anywhere near that guy. On the other hand, As sad as it is to say, these days the thought crosses my mind that people are falsely accused of crimes. However, you met the guy, and didnít get a good feeling. Iíd go with your gut.
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  9. #8
    VIP Member Array OldChap's Avatar
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    @Shootnlead Said it. I would IMMEDIATELY sit down with your family and explain why you're doing what has to be done. Do not brook any arguments. The list of offenses is serious, and potentially lethal to your daughter when she might be present anywhere near this guy. Your daughter is in mortal danger any time she is near him. Do not let her in his presence. If the little girl living in the home where he resides comes to your house to play, make certain that you do not let this guy in if he comes to pick her up.

    That list is what should be known as a RED FLAG - and is in law enforcement circles. Unless something drastic happens, that guy is going to continue his life of crime until something sufficiently bad happens that he gets put away for a long time. Make sure that crime doesn't involve your daughter.

    And yes, I would bring the list to the attention of girl B's parents. That is a public record. If the guy doesn't like it, he shouldn't be in the kitchen where he can get burned. You are also going to have to be vigilant on the off chance he decides to retaliate.

    You can also talk to your local police about the situation.
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  10. #9
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    Review with your wife, but if it were my daughter (who is 16) the answer would be - you are never, ever, under any circumstances allowed to be in that house or with her father.

    BTW, the FULL title of section 108 (Which John Smith is listed as having been charged with above) is "18-12-108. Possession of weapons by previous offenders". To go further - sub 2(a) is a "a class 6 felony".
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  11. #10
    Distinguished Member Array ETXhiker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Havok View Post
    Do you know if the guy was ever convicted of anything? On one hand Iíd say if it were my child, thereís no way she would ever be anywhere near that guy. On the other hand, As sad as it is to say, these days the thought crosses my mind that people are falsely accused of crimes. However, you met the guy, and didnít get a good feeling. Iíd go with your gut.
    18-3-203 SECOND DEGREE ASLT
    18-12-108(2)(A) POSSESSION OF WEAPON
    18-3-204 THIRD DEGREE ASSAULT
    18-6-401(7)(B)(I) CHILD ABUSE-KNOW/REC
    18-6-800.3 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
    18-8-707 TAMPERING WITH A WIT
    18-8-212(1) VIOLATION OF BAIL BO
    18-6-803.5(2)(A) VIOLATION OF A RESTR

    Seriously? With that rap sheet?
    "There are some ideas that are so wrong, only a very intelligent person could believe them." - George Orwell

  12. #11
    Member Array kenboyles72's Avatar
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    With that list of charges, especially 18-6-401(7)(B)(I), no way in hell would my daughter be allowed to be at that residence.

  13. #12
    VIP Member Array graydude's Avatar
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    My recommendation:
    - Talk with your wife about the laundry list of known problems (who knows what else he's done).
    - At this point your wife will likely be in shock, upset your daughter has been at risk, and may make a momma bear decision; or, she may go into denial.
    - Push for mutual agreement that your daughter has no contact with him.
    - Then have a calm, candid, and grown up discussion with your daughter about the man. Explain that her friend bears no guilt for his problems (assuming she's a good person, unless you have reason to think otherwise).
    - Then explain to your daughter that you support her being friends with the girl if she chooses, but that under no circumstances will she be around that dangerous man.

    Your duty as a father is protecting your daughter from dangerous people, which that man is.

    Your daughter can then have a friendly but blunt conversation with the girl. She can say her parents know about the list of public records of run ins with the law and that you will not allow her to be near him, but that they can still be friends and do things together as long as he's not around. Hiding that she knows these things or pretending there's no problem is a recipe for trouble; this is not something to bottle up or keep secret from her friend. She should refrain from mentioning it around others or casually at school though.

    Kids can handle a surprising amount of adult drama as long as it's presented calmly and rationally, and the follow on decisions are logical. She may even have good suggestions about how to handle this.
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    Thatís a no go good buddy.

  15. #14
    VIP Member Array Havok's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ETXhiker View Post
    18-3-203 SECOND DEGREE ASLT
    18-12-108(2)(A) POSSESSION OF WEAPON
    18-3-204 THIRD DEGREE ASSAULT
    18-6-401(7)(B)(I) CHILD ABUSE-KNOW/REC
    18-6-800.3 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
    18-8-707 TAMPERING WITH A WIT
    18-8-212(1) VIOLATION OF BAIL BO
    18-6-803.5(2)(A) VIOLATION OF A RESTR

    Seriously? With that rap sheet?
    Yes, seriously.
    We get the government we deserve.

  16. #15
    VIP Member Array OldChap's Avatar
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    Public records are for convictions in a court of law, not charges that are dismissed or never filed.

    If a police officer runs you, he sees all contact between you and police. These civilian accessed records checks never can see that information.

    He can clear that up pretty quickly as I expect his local police know him.
    "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits."

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