New potential romantic interest - but what about guns?

New potential romantic interest - but what about guns?

This is a discussion on New potential romantic interest - but what about guns? within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; There have been a few threads here and on other forums by guys who don't know quite how a new female they are interested in ...

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Thread: New potential romantic interest - but what about guns?

  1. #1
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    New potential romantic interest - but what about guns?

    There have been a few threads here and on other forums by guys who don't know quite how a new female they are interested in dating feels about guns. How long do you wait and what kind of questions do you ask? It seems so difficult.

    "P" who is very active in our sportsman club, and who runs the monthly drill-of-the-month course of fire for the Wednesday pistol group and is also head of the women's pistol group has the easiest solution.

    As soon as she meets a man who seems interested enough in her to ask her on a date, she comes right out and asks: "Do you like to shoot?"

    No sense messing around, is there?

    She told me today she has a new friend who might turn into a nice relationship.....taking it slow and easy...but she already asked the question and he replied that yes, he has a few guns. Next step is to invite him to the Pistols and Potluck group, and then get him to join the sportsman club. Then see if and/or how the relationship develops.

    "P" is somewhere in her 50's. You all would like her a lot. I sure do.
    Getting old was not on my list of "things to do" in the Golden Years!

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  2. #2
    VIP Member Array Havok's Avatar
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    I say mention it early. If my wife didn’t know before we started dating(I had met her a few times and knew her sister), she learned soon after. If it’s going to be a deal breaker, then might as well save everyone’s time.
    a poor plan that is well executed will produce better results that a good plan that is poorly executed.

    This is America. I have the right to go places. You have the right to stay home. You have the right to be upset about me going places. I have the right to not care.

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    Ex Member Array CG11's Avatar
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    Relationship are best developed in an open and honest way - it just doesn't pay to go by the pig in a poke philosophy.

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    Firearms did not come up in my relationship with my wife as a serious topic of discussion until long after we were married, although I did own a revolver before we were married. She, on the other hand, had taken a full semester course (range time) on police firearms at a community college, 12 years before we were married (1988) when she was trying to get a job as a game warden in California. We started shooting together in our 50s and it has become an activity we greatly enjoy together.
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    Senior Member Array wizard7mm08's Avatar
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    Seeing as I usually gravitate towards firearms as a topic of conversation (be it identifying them and pointing out flaws in movies or hunting), any potential partner is going to know that I am fond of guns soon enough to be able to back out before hurt feelings. If they wish to continue courting with an open mind or become more interested because of my hobby, awesome.
    "If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy." - Red Green
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    VIP Member Array dangerranger's Avatar
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    I, like your friend grew up in a time when you could just ask. That just doesn't seem to be true now. But I think if someone were interested in me enough to spend any time, The subject would come up sooner than later!
    The harder question for me is when do I let it out that I am a collector, and how much time I spend with them? My wife had no clue that more than just a few would fill her closet, under the bed, and behind the curtains! Just before we were married I sold my house and needed a place to store a few guns. She picked that day to call out the carpet guy before putting hers on the market. She was not happy. DR

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    Good post, SG... I think there's a lot of stumbling around this subject. I wish I'd known as a young man what I know now!

    Met my ex-wife in college and although we had a long engagement, none of that time was outside the sterile, cloistered life in a small, New England liberal arts college. Within that environment, my fascination with firearms didn't reveal itself, and she didn't raise any eyebrows at my subscriptions to a couple of gun magazines as well as Playboy and car magazines. Hunting weapons that put delicious meals on the table - no problem. Plinking rimfires, ditto. But defensive handguns? Horrors! "Those are murder weapons!" she wailed. This issue accounted for more than a couple of nails in the coffin for that marriage. She actually had some appreciation for my passion and zeal as a 2A activist in CT, but not when it came to the actual hardware in the house where she lived.

    Fast forward to the new life in the desert, met my wonderful lady and once we saw not sparks but deep, glowing embers of appreciation for each other, there were discussions about myriad topics, including the full spectrum of firearms and shooting. Lady C grew up with guns in the South Dakota home, and hunting - check. Arms in the house for family defense - check. Military-style firearms? No problem, dad's a decorated WWII combat vet - check. Being personally armed pretty much whenever I'm awake and mobile? That's a sign I take defending both our lives seriously - check. She's not quite ready to accept that responsibility herself, but firearms and related activities as a significant element in my life is not just accepted, it is embraced.

    Given the huge amount of polarization on political and social issues these days, and the prevalence of "take no prisoner" attitudes, couples had best discuss these subjects up front and early in the relationship to avoid anger and disappointment.
    Smitty
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    Distinguished Member Array BlackhawkGirl's Avatar
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    Although my Dad exposed me to shooting when I was VERY young, I was not an enthusiast until I was already married and moved out of NJ.

    My ex and I did a lot of exploring in the way out back of the Rocky Mountains, and after neighborly hostilities started to errupt at a remote house we purchased, I purchased a revolver. I practiced on our property and shot very well. My ex, on the other hand, seemed to see the need but did not trust his capabilities among other things. Throughout our marriage and in other ways it started to be obvious that I was going to be the leader, protector, (sometimes the sole provider) etc. and I started to burn out on it. And my Dad gave us a few more guns along the way when he heard of some of the run-ins we had. So in my case, my ex's wariness of firearms was also a hint of something deeper in him, that was a big incompatibility and would eventually be our undoing.

    IF I am ever in the market again, 2A will be a topic in a very early conversation, maybe even the first conversation. The only reason I would not say anything immediately, would be if I worked with the person.
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    Distinguished Member Array Novarider's Avatar
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    Just wear a MAGA hat to the first date. If they get upset you dodged a bullet. If they don't get upset...

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    It came up early for me and my wife. I know my feelings fit her were growing. So I told her about my guns. She was nervous at first. Until I taught her how to handle then. No she has a few if her own. Just went shooting with her yesterday. Life’s good.


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    There are many compromises that couple make during their lifetimes, but personal protection should not be one of them, IMHO. My wife and I (going on 48 years now) are old enough to remember that caliber wars used to center on the size of the rock in a sling. I've always had firearms since my 'early' days, my wife had none. It was never something we even had to discuss much, my firearms were always part of family life. Back before the days of CCW, hunting was an almost daily activity (in season). It took my wife 32 years to eventually ask for her permit and some training because of a bad experience in a public parking garage. Today, life is good and we both understand the importance of SA and SD.
    Proverbs 27:12 says: “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.”

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    VIP Member Array WrongRecroom's Avatar
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    I think it very much will deepened on where /who/what imop

    In AZ many women I know have 0 problem with guns may even own some and they or others hunt etc ..Now say in CA I would be more reculted to bring anything up until you know more .

    And yeah I would add a handgun maybe "hunting " looking gun would be not be a issues ..But trying to explan say a AK or EBR or worst yet a NFA collection could be tricker .It one thing to expline the silencer is for your protection but other to explaine the full auto mac10 is better then gold for return vaule

    I think in the end I would maybe brouch it lightly then once you get to know more bring it up more fully ...

    And there is also op sercuity ..Ie do you want a girl you just met to know what and how many guns you own?
    “Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.” H.L. Mencken
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    VIP Member Array LimaCharlie's Avatar
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    When my wife and I met over thirty-six years ago, she came from a very liberal union family and I did not own any guns at the time. The Army supplied me with guns and ammo. Later, I bought a Ruger Super Blackhawk .44 magnum and it was our only gun for several years.

    We had a scare while four-wheel driving in the remote high desert. Some sketchy looking guys chased us for a few miles at high speed on jeep trails and dirt roads. They gave up when we hit a paved road. We did not have the Ruger Super Blackhawk with us that day. The state we lived in had just gone from may issue (not likely) to shall issue. We bought a Glock G20 10mm for me and an S&W 640 Centennial .357 magnum for my wife. We took the required classes, qualified with the guns at the range, and got our CCWs in early 1992.

    My wife has gone from very liberal pro-union to more conservative than me since we got married. She does not like to discuss guns, she just thinks of them as a necessary tool. When a gun-grabber comes on the television, she turns to me and tells me to go buy more guns and ammo.
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  14. #14
    VIP Member Array forester58's Avatar
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    I was on a first date with a woman years ago and we had a great evening and when we departed in the parking lot I casually said "Have a safe drive home". She reached into her purse and pulled out a S&W 4506 and said "I always do". I reached into my truck and unlocked my 4506 from the glove box. Great minds and all that.
    I did end up re-springing hers as it was banging itself to pieces from very worn springs. Alas, the relationship did not last and I married a woman with no handguns but, she is an Elk hunter and owns some nice rifles and truth be told can out shoot me, even with my guns.

  15. #15
    VIP Member Array OldVet's Avatar
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    "Next step is to invite him to the Pistols and Potluck group,..."

    That's right, Granny, set the "Guns and Gut" bait in front of him. She'll reel him right in.
    Retired USAF E-8. Curmudgeon on the loose.
    Lighten up and enjoy life because:
    Paranoia strikes deep, into your life it will creep. It starts when you're always afraid... Buffalo Springfield - For What It's Worth

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