Dad jokes - Page 2

Dad jokes

This is a discussion on Dad jokes within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Originally Posted by OldVet What, no elephant jokes? Whats the difference between an African and Indian elephant? About 3,000 miles....

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  1. #16
    VIP Member Array scottync's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OldVet View Post
    What, no elephant jokes?
    Whats the difference between an African and Indian elephant? About 3,000 miles.
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  2. #17
    VIP Member Array graydude's Avatar
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    Ever heard of the music group "Cellophane"? They mostly wrap.
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    Ride hard, shoot straight, always speak the truth

  3. #18
    Senior Member Array BamaT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jmf552 View Post
    The one I remember from my Dad was, "The forecast is chili today, hot tamale."
    I heard that from my dad also!
    NRA Life Member

  4. #19
    VIP Member Array graydude's Avatar
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    Daughter today in an on “old timey” grown up voice: "it’s raining cats and dogs out here.”

    Me: “don’t step in any poodles.”
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    Ride hard, shoot straight, always speak the truth

  5. #20
    DG
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    Quote Originally Posted by OldVet View Post
    What, no elephant jokes?

    Just for you...

    One day a female elephant is walking through the forest when a monkey drops on her back. The monkey quickly begins having his way with her. The elephant plods along until a coconut drops from a tree and strikes her on the head. She let's out a loud grunt and the monkey yells "I'm just getting started!!"
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    Simplistic solutions to complex problems seldom produce satisfying results.

  6. #21
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    What do you call a DOG with no legs?

    I doesn't matter, he won't come to you anyway!
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  7. #22
    VIP Member Array lionround's Avatar
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    What do you call a man on your doorstep with no legs? Matt.
    Memphis -- No. 2 on the list of most crime ridden cities in America. Working on being No. 1 but we just can't catch Detroit.

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  8. #23
    VIP Member Array lionround's Avatar
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    What do you call a man in your pool with no legs? Bob.
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    Memphis -- No. 2 on the list of most crime ridden cities in America. Working on being No. 1 but we just can't catch Detroit.

    1950 Colt .38 Police Positive Special
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  9. #24
    VIP Member Array lionround's Avatar
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    What do you call a woman with only one leg? Eileen.
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    Memphis -- No. 2 on the list of most crime ridden cities in America. Working on being No. 1 but we just can't catch Detroit.

    1950 Colt .38 Police Positive Special
    2013 SCCY 9mm CPX-2 Stainless Steel
    US Army 1973-1977, 95B

  10. #25
    VIP Member Array 5lima30ret's Avatar
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    I once made the mistake of telling my Dad I didn't sleep well when I was about 12 yoa. His response was that I didn't work hard enough! (This was a true story not a joke!) Hard work was expected when I growing up! Not so much with some of these current "snow flakes"!
    Retired Police Lieutenant, Former UH-1N Huey & MH-53 Pave Low Gunner, Retired USAF Reserve, Glock Armorer, AL Retired LEO CPP, NRA Certified Pistol Instructor, LEOSA Qualified, Active FOP Executive Board Member

    "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Phil 4:13

  11. #26
    VIP Member Array scottync's Avatar
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    What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
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  12. #27
    VIP Member Array LimaCharlie's Avatar
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    What do you get if you cross and elephant and a rhinoceros?


    Elifno
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  13. #28
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    What do you call a monkey in a mine field?

    A babooooom!
    Ride hard, shoot straight, always speak the truth

  14. #29
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    Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colors?

    He had a reptile dysfunction.
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    Ride hard, shoot straight, always speak the truth

  15. #30
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    I used to beat my son all the time, until he got better at chess and checkers and started beating me, instead.
    How many times must we see defenseless people die before we realize being defenseless isn't the answer? // The First protects the Second and the Second protects the First. Together, they protect EVERYTHING WE'VE GOT.

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