Politically incorrect joke of the day... - Page 21

Politically incorrect joke of the day...

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  1. #301
    VIP Member Array SatCong's Avatar
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  2. #302
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    HELL
    EXPLAINEDBY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT


    The following is an actual question given on
    a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by astudent. The answer by onestudent was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:


    BonusQuestion:Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat)or endothermic (absorbsheat)?

    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however,wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need toknow the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate atwhich they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore,no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of thesereligions state that if you are not a member of their religion, youwill go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions andsince people do not belong to more than one religion, we can projectthat all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, wecan expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now,
    we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle'sLaw states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell tostay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately assouls are added.This gives two possibilities:
    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell isexpanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezesover. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number twomust be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and hasalready frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls
    and is extinct...therefore leaving Heaven, thereby proving
    the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
    THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.o



    If it is ever your misfortune to be attacked, alertness will have given you a little warning, decisiveness will have given you a proper course to pursue, and if that course is to counterattack, carry it out with everything you've got! Be indignant. Be angry. Be aggressive.

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  3. #303
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  4. #304
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    YEP!

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  5. #305
    VIP Member Array dangerranger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by flh View Post
    HELL
    EXPLAINEDBY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT


    The following is an actual question given on
    a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by astudent. The answer by onestudent was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:


    BonusQuestion:Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat)or endothermic (absorbsheat)?

    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however,wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need toknow the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate atwhich they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore,no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of thesereligions state that if you are not a member of their religion, youwill go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions andsince people do not belong to more than one religion, we can projectthat all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, wecan expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now,
    we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle'sLaw states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell tostay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately assouls are added.This gives two possibilities:
    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell isexpanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezesover. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number twomust be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and hasalready frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls
    and is extinct...therefore leaving Heaven, thereby proving
    the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
    THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.o
    Can I like this more than once? DR
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  6. #306
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    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Politically incorrect joke of the day...-img_2857.jpg  




    If it is ever your misfortune to be attacked, alertness will have given you a little warning, decisiveness will have given you a proper course to pursue, and if that course is to counterattack, carry it out with everything you've got! Be indignant. Be angry. Be aggressive.

    Jeff Cooper

  7. #307
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    And Jesus said, "If you don't have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one." (Luke 22:36)

    I am a peaceful man. But I am not a pacifist.

  8. #308
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf357 View Post
    Not really a joke, but a sad truth.
    I'm with Joe Biden - you can't have 50 clips in a weapon!
    Learning occurs only after repetitive, demoralizing failures.
    We are ALL Virginians!

  9. #309
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  10. #310
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    Mensa Convention


    There was a Mensa convention in San Francisco. Mensa, as you probably know, is a national organization for
    people who have an IQ of 140 or higher.

    Several of the Mensa members went out for lunch at a local café. When they sat down, one of them discovered
    that their salt shaker contained pepper, and their pepper shaker was full of salt.

    How could they swap the contents of the two bottles without spilling any, and using only the implements at hand?
    Clearly, this was a job for Mensa minds.

    The group debated the problem and presented ideas and finally, came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer.

    They called the waitress over, ready to dazzle her with their solution. "Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker has pepper." But before they could finish, the waitress interrupted: "Oh sorry about that." She leaned over the table, unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

    There was dead silence at the Mensa table…

    Kind of reminds you of politicians doesn't it?
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  11. #311
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    THE CANOE RACE

    A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had eight people rowing and one person steering, while the Americans had eight people steering and one person rowing.
    Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid a lot of money for a second opinion. They advised that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing. Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team’s management structure was totally reorganized to four steering supervisors, three area steering superintendents, and one assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the “Rowing Team Quality First Program,” with meetings, dinners, and free pens for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. The next year the Japanese won by two miles.
    Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year’s racing team was outsourced to India.
    If you use JP-8, then it's technically not waterboarding

  12. #312
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    Quote Originally Posted by HotBrass45 View Post
    THE CANOE RACE

    A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had eight people rowing and one person steering, while the Americans had eight people steering and one person rowing.
    Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid a lot of money for a second opinion. They advised that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing. Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team’s management structure was totally reorganized to four steering supervisors, three area steering superintendents, and one assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the “Rowing Team Quality First Program,” with meetings, dinners, and free pens for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. The next year the Japanese won by two miles.
    Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year’s racing team was outsourced to India.
    Sounds true to me...
    I'm with Joe Biden - you can't have 50 clips in a weapon!
    Learning occurs only after repetitive, demoralizing failures.
    We are ALL Virginians!

  13. #313
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    If you use JP-8, then it's technically not waterboarding

  14. #314
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