The Lone Ranger....

The Lone Ranger....

This is a discussion on The Lone Ranger.... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Yes, folks, this is what it is coming to. The Lone Ranger No Longer Rides in California The Lone Ranger was arrested in Lone Pine, ...

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Thread: The Lone Ranger....

  1. #1
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    The Lone Ranger....

    Yes, folks, this is what it is coming to.



    The Lone Ranger No Longer Rides in California The Lone Ranger was arrested in Lone Pine, California for the crime of illegally transferring silver bullets. The famed masked man had just apprehended an armed felon after shooting the gun out of his hand. As was his practice for the last eighty years, he gave a silver bullet to the outlaw’s victim.


    She was a kindly old widow who was robbed and held captive by the desperado. This lady, grateful that her life and property were restored, treasured the silver bullet as a symbol that justice was done.



    The trouble started when she showed the bullet to her weekly garden club. Upon seeing the gleaming memento, one lady fainted. Another lady gasped that they were all going to die. A third lady, who was also a member of CHA (California Hysterics Anonymous), warned that where there was a bullet there had to be a gun. During the shocked silence an attendee desperately summoned the Sheriff on her cell phone.



    When the Sheriff heard their story he struggled to stifle a laugh. He knew the old gentleman on the big white horse. He also appreciated how many criminals the Lone Ranger had captured over the years. However, since California voters passed Proposition 63, he had to uphold the law.



    Predictably, he found the masked man enjoying a beer at the Dry Gulch Saloon back in town.



    “Thanks for helping old widow Smith,” he said, “but did you really give her a silver bullet?”



    “Yes,” replied the Lone Ranger, “after all that’s my trademark. Got a problem with that?”



    “Well, yes,” hesitated the sheriff. “Ya see – under Proposition 63, you’ve got to be a licensed firearms dealer to give anyone a bullet.”



    “Are you kidding?” asked the Lone Ranger.



    “Wish I was,” said the embarrassed sheriff, “and to boot whoever receives the bullet has to be registered with the Department of Justice.”


    “Holy guacamole!” exclaimed the masked man. “Did I do anything else wrong?”


    “Well,” said the sheriff, looking even more sheepish now, “there’s the little matter of you shooting a gun out of the outlaw’s hand.”


    “What!” said the Lone Ranger. “If I hadn’t done that, the skunk would have plugged me for sure.”


    “I know that,” admitted the Sheriff, “but he’ll probably sue you for failing to retreat and using unnecessary force. If they convict you, they’ll take your six-shooters away for good. Which reminds me, according to California law, your pistols have too large a capacity. If I were you, I’d convert those six-shooters into five-shooters as quick as you can.”

    “Jumpin’ Junipers!” exclaimed the Lone Ranger. “I’d better tell this to my faithful Indian companion, Tonto.”


    “Hold on,” said the Sheriff. “I need to remind you that Indians are now referred to as Native Americans. We privileged male palefaces have got to remember that.”


    As the Lone Ranger sat in shocked silence, the sheriff explained his rights and proceeded to take him in.


    Postscript: Upon being provided an attorney at state expense, the outlaw successfully sued the Lone Ranger. He claimed that he could no longer work since he had suffered the permanent loss of his trigger finger.


    Governor Gavin Newsom urged imposing the maximum sentence for possession of illegal ammunition and a firearm that exceeds lawful capacity. He received a huge monetary award, forcing the Lone Ranger to sell the silver mine.


    Tonto was deemed innocent, but victimized by virtue of being a member of an oppressed minority. He was given land by the state and now operates a very profitable casino.


    After getting out of jail, the Lone Ranger could not find a job since he was now an ex-con. Fortunately, Tonto lets him do light janitorial work at the casino and sleep in the basement.


    Following the passage of Proposition 63, violent crime in California has steadily increased. Governor Newsom advises troubled property owners to protect themselves by posting signs that say, "Keep Out—Gun Free Zone".

    "Once that bell rings, you're on your own. It's just you and the other guy.” - Joe Lewis

    “I’m not obsessive about cleaning my guns. I like them like my martinis and my women....a ‘little’ dirty.....”

    Member: GOA, SAF, ISAA






  2. #2
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    Awfully long way of saying "Kommiefornia".
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  3. #3
    VIP Member Array G26Raven's Avatar
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    The Lone Ranger was one of my favorite programs when I was a kid.
    Last edited by G26Raven; January 17th, 2020 at 10:17 PM.
    You are your own first responder.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by G26Raven View Post
    The Lone Ranger was one my favorite programs when I was a kid.
    Along with: Hopalong Cassidy and Sky King....
    "Once that bell rings, you're on your own. It's just you and the other guy.” - Joe Lewis

    “I’m not obsessive about cleaning my guns. I like them like my martinis and my women....a ‘little’ dirty.....”

    Member: GOA, SAF, ISAA






  5. #5
    VIP Member Array G26Raven's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rockymonster View Post
    Along with: Hopalong Cassidy and Sky King....
    Old Hopalong did not do it for me. Sky King was okay, but my other real favorite was Superman.
    You are your own first responder.

  6. #6
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    Considering the way things are going in California that story sounds so true. Another favorite of mine was Paladin.

    When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk.
    "Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way."
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    Welcome to Bizzarro world!! Brought to you in living poo by the Democrats.
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    CHINA LIED AND PEOPLE ACROSS THE GLOBE DIED!

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    Regardless of who is your favorite lawman/superhero, I’ll note that Clayton Moore, who played the masked man, was the finest of gentlemen.
    *********************************

    Never let anything mechanical know that you're in a hurry.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by rotorhead1026 View Post
    Regardless of who is your favorite lawman/superhero, I’ll note that Clayton Moore, who played the masked man, was the finest of gentlemen.
    In the mid 70's, he came to the dealership to buy a new boat. He had a pocket full of silver bullet key chains and handed them out to all the people there. I delivered the boat to Lake Tahoe and got to spend a wonderful afternoon on the lake with him and his family.

    Truly a gracious man who lived the "Lone Ranger Creed" which declared, “That all men are created equal and that everyone has within himself the power to make this a better world.
    MY RIGHTS DON'T END WHERE YOUR FEELINGS BEGIN

    The situation will NEVER BE THE WAY YOU WANT, it WILL BE THE WAY IT IS. You must be FLEXIBLE ENOUGH TO ADAPT and just "DEAL WITH IT".

  10. #10
    VIP Member Array Struckat's Avatar
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    Not to mention that the silver bullet didn’t have a prop 65 warning label, that’s another charge and fine.
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    Read our government's plan to destroy the Constitution.
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  11. #11
    Senior Member Array M1911A1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by G26Raven View Post
    The Lone Ranger was one of my favorite programs when I was a kid.
    In the late 1940s and the 1950s, The Lone Ranger radio program was broadcast from New York. (Cue the Pace commercial: New York City?)
    When I was young (10?), I was taken to one, to be part of the studio audience.
    I do not remember whether or not Clayton Moore played him at that time, and I couldn't've told you anyway, because whomever it was who read the title role into the microphone actually wore a black domino mask through the entire thing!


    From The Fred Allen Program on the radio, in the "Allen's Alley" segment:
    Fred: So, Mrs. Nussbaum, do you have trouble sleeping?
    Tansy Nussbaum: Nu, who could sleep? All night long, mine husband Pierre is dreaming he is the Lone Stranger.
    Fred: Yes?
    Tansy: So all night long he is calling out, "Hi-Ho, Silver!"
    Fred: So?
    Tansy: Upstairs is living a Mr. Silver. And all night long he is answering back, "Hi-Ho, Nussbaum!"
    Steve
    Retired Leathersmith and Practical Shooter

    "Qui desiderat pacem, præparet bellum."

  12. #12
    Senior Member Array Cypher's Avatar
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    The Lone Ranger NEVER would have been apprehended in a bar drinking a beer
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