What do alligators eat?

What do alligators eat?

This is a discussion on What do alligators eat? within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't ...

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    VIP Member Array G26Raven's Avatar
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    What do alligators eat?

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    Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.

    The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me.
    We're the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it."

    "Well," said the big gator, "what have you been eating?"
    "Politicians, same as you," replied the small gator.

    "Hmm.....Well, where do you catch them?"
    "Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol."

    "Same here. Hmm.... How do you catch them?"
    "Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door.
    Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the crap out of them and eat 'em!"

    "Same here." says the big gator. "Do you eat Democrats or Republicans?"
    "I eat the Democrats" says the little guy.

    "Ah!" says the big gator. "I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment.”
    “You see, by the time you finish shaking the crap out of a Democrat, there's nothing left but a butt hole and a briefcase.”

    (Note: Language edited from original to ensure family friendliness. It loses something in translation, but I think most will get the point.)
    Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.
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    Everyone wants to eat, but few are willing to hunt....

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    VIP Member Array SouthernBoyVA's Avatar
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    Very funny; loved it.
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    VIP Member Array Brad426's Avatar
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    Actually alligators have a diet that consists mainly of fish, turtles, birds, various small mammals, and other reptiles.
    I have a very strict gun control policy: if there's a gun around, I want to be in control of it.
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    VIP Member Array G26Raven's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brad426 View Post
    Actually alligators have a diet that consists mainly of fish, turtles, birds, various small mammals, and other reptiles.
    Where's the fun in that?
    Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.
    Mike Tyson

    Everyone wants to eat, but few are willing to hunt....

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    VIP Member Array OldVet's Avatar
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    And along comes Brad to soil everyone's corn flakes...
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    VIP Member Array SouthernBoyVA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brad426 View Post
    Actually alligators have a diet that consists mainly of fish, turtles, birds, various small mammals, and other reptiles.
    And snakes and weasels, i.e. politicians.
    In the final seconds of your life, just before your killer is about to dispatch you to that great eternal darkness, what would you rather have in your hand? A cell phone or a gun?

    America First!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Brad426 View Post
    Actually alligators have a diet that consists mainly of fish, turtles, birds, various small mammals, and other reptiles.
    We had ponds near the house where I grew up. They were stocked with fish. Turtles weren't welcome; they'd eat the fish eggs.

    Every once in a while a gator would take up residence, and this was considered desirable. They'd clean out most of the turtles and move on. They'll leave humans alone as long as nobody tries anything stupid. One of my idiot nephews started throwing marshmallows at one. Sure enough, the animal associated people with food and started crawling out of the pond and following folks around. That one we had to catch and dump way out in the swamp.

    Politicians are similar; you throw dollar bills at them. They then become part of the "swamp".
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    The gator pond at Homosassa Springs, FL had a sign in the middle of the pond.

    Trespassers will be eaten.
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    VIP Member Array jmf552's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brad426 View Post
    Actually alligators have a diet that consists mainly of fish, turtles, birds, various small mammals, and other reptiles.
    Alligators have been known to attack and eat people, although rarely. There is an average of about one incident a year.

    There are American crocodiles also. They are not as aggressive as their Nile counterparts, but they have accounted for a few dozen deaths over the years, mostly in Mexico.
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    Anything they want, except saltwater crocodiles.
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    Quote Originally Posted by OldVet View Post
    And along comes Brad to soil everyone's corn flakes...
    LOL no kidding...We went from a joke to a lesson in Herpetology

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    Distinguished Member Array DZUS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brad426 View Post
    Actually alligators have a diet that consists mainly of fish, turtles, birds, various small mammals, and other reptiles.
    Not golfers?
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    VIP Member Array G26Raven's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DZUS View Post
    Not golfers?
    Yes, those and small dogs.
    msgt/ret, OD* and Redbert31 like this.
    Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.
    Mike Tyson

    Everyone wants to eat, but few are willing to hunt....

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    Quote Originally Posted by msgt/ret View Post
    The gator pond at Homosassa Springs, FL had a sign in the middle of the pond.

    Trespassers will be eaten.
    Was the sign printed in very small letters?
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    Quote Originally Posted by rstickle View Post
    Was the sign printed in very small letters?
    Being out in the middle of the pond the letters were quite large.
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