Fot the Airmen

I need two gallons of prop wash.
Bring me 10 yards of flight line.
I need you to go to Base Ops and get the keys for the airplane.

 

I need two gallons of prop wash.
Bring me 10 yards of flight line.
I need you to go to Base Ops and get the keys for the airplane.

Had to be careful with that one. Back in the days of reciprocating engines, there was such a thing as prop wash.

 

Oh God, the list is endless!
Get me 50 ft of shoreline.
Go get the gasket stretcher.
Set the mail buoy watch.

 

"Can you run down to OPs and get an electric fog knife?"

 

Bring me a left-hand crescent wrench.

 

Metric? :rofl:

 

We need a "Battery Adjustment Wrench" or some "M1LK."

 

- Jump up and down on the APC to test the shocks.
- We're lost... go shake that tree so I can see where we are on the map.
- Go to the CP and ask them for a can of squelch.

 

Go to supply and get a Baker-one-roger-dog.

 

THE FIVE MOST DANGEROUS THINGS IN THE ARMY:

A Private saying, "I learned this in boot camp...."
A Sergeant saying, "Trust me, sir..."
A Second Lieutenant saying, "Based on my experience..."
A Captain saying, "I was just thinking..."
and a Warrant Officer chuckling, "Watch this..."


"The reason the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices it on a daily basis."
- from a post-war debriefing of a German General

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

 

THE FIVE MOST DANGEROUS THINGS IN THE ARMY:

and a Warrant Officer chuckling, "Watch this..."

I almost peed myself when I read this one.

WOs at my first duty station worked on nuclear weapons.

 

Go get the HMMV keys
Go ask the SSgt where a PRC-E-6 is

 

Lets see when I spent time on a sea going greyhound= Get me 2ft of water line, you got mail buoy watch to night. When we were in CIC, Seaman run back to the ET shack and get a fallopian tube for this repeater.

 

Lets see when I spent time on a sea going greyhound= Get me 2ft of water line, you got mail buoy watch to night. When we were in CIC, Seaman run back to the ET shack and get a fallopian tube for this repeater.

That works best if you have a female officer onboard. :wink:

 

Go to supply and get, wait let me spell it and write it down, an ID-10T.

Whenever a drill sergeant thought you did/said something dumb, they would always ask, "does your hair hurt son?"

 

This is no sh.... umm, lie. We were doing a migrant patrol off Cuba. I told one of the deck officers to keep an eye out for a new plane the Cubans had just got from the Russians. He looked all day for that GU 11. :rofl:

 

Is that a model variant of the B-1RD?

 

Go calibrate the turrets on the HMMWV. You have to sit in the turret sling, unlock the turret, and then spin it 99 times clockwise and then 99 times counterclockwise.

Entrenching tool qualification.

The impossible situp.

 

Entrenching tool qualification.

The impossible situp.

By way of explanation for anyone who didn't know:

Entrenching tool qualification means you have to chop a quarter in half on a log with your E-tool while blindfolded. The quarter is actually the victim's patrol cap with the brass rank insignia.

Impossible situp is where you tell a guy that nobody can do a situp after shaking their head back and forth for sixty seconds with their eyes closed- that the disorientation will allow someone to prevent them from doing a situp with just a finger on their forehead. So when they've done that and their eyes are still closed, you immediately let them sit up, right into someone else's bare butt cheeks.

 

Heard that OldVet once asked a newbee to find a gallon of radar paint.

 

Young fresh officers just out of knife & fork school desperately want to fit in. We would tell jokes and about every third or fourth joke would make absolutely no sense. We would all laugh. The poor officer often didn't say anything. If they did ask, we would say, "Sorry Sir. We just tell them, we don't explain them."

 

Need a bucket of steam, quick.

 

Tell the new boots that were on our Tin Can.Watch for Sea Bats.

 

I had one of my PFC's spend twenty minutes looking through the parts bins in the shop for a box of grid squares... What's worse- he reported back to me that we had none, so I told him to let the SSgt know we were out of grid squares. My PFC promptly emerged from the office, and informed me that he needed to fill out the ID-10-T forms to requisition more grid squares...


I had to walk away at that point.

 

Kid sounds like a hard charger. Should've made him a lieutenant.

 

Only one way to tell a War Story from a Fairytale.

They way they start out.

The Fairytale starts out, "Once Upon A Time..."

The War Story starts out, "And This is No Sh---t!"

At least, that's what I always heard, way back when.

Sent from phone. Typos possible.

 

"On the double"- to the next firing range down the road -"and bring me a 20ft piece of firing line" ! "If you cant find it ask the NCOIC over there".

 

We were on the edge of a huge hurricane and our midshipmen were getting green so they made it up to the main deck and puked into the wind, and that's no sugar.

 

Check the pressure in the road wheels.

Gimme the red fluid for the taillight lenses.

Pick up a can of yellow and black striped paint.

 

-Box of Grid Squares

-A can of A-I-R

-Yell "Boom" in the gun tube to tell if the 120mm is clean (you can tell by the echo)

-A shock test on a 10+ ton armored vehicle (eg M-1 tank, M-2 BFV, M-3 CFV, M-113, M-88, etc) by jumping up and down on it. A 150lb private isn't going to move a M-113 let alone a M-1A1HA.

-I-D-10-Tango was always good too (we got a company XO to search for a I-D-10-Tango cable while scrounging a unit that was shutting down).

But the best was to tell them to go to the commo shack and ask for a "***** E-7." Generally the commo NCOIC doesn't like that.

 

Occasionally a joke will backfire. When I was at Dover AFB we got a new kid into the unit. First thing on the kids first day, the Flight Chief told him to go get 10 yards of flight line and not to come back without it. We didn't see him the rest of the day, nor the following. On the third day he came back and told the Flight Chief no one, including supply had any. We found out 2 days later, the kids Dad was retired AF and aircraft maintenance his whole career. The kid was well versed on the jokes and spent the 2 days getting settled in and looking over the Dover area.

 

When I was a PL, one of my smarter SPCs tried to talk me through the exhaust sample procedures. I saw it coming, and although he sold it well, he was having a hard time keeping the smile off his face as he did so.

"Sir, one of the more important things that either the PL or the XO handles is the exhaust sample."

"Oh yeah? How's that go?" (figuring he was about to feed me a line of something)

"Well first you get a 55-gallon garbage bag from the mechanics... goes on about a 60-90 second description of the procedure"

Like I said, he sold it well, explaining the various properties and gasses that could be generated, what each meant, and all that (He was one of the smartest Soldiers I ever served with), but having gotten a distinct whiff of BS, I decided to have some fun with him.

"Ya know, specialist, I hear what you're saying, and the reasoning makes sense, but I'm just not getting the procedure...go ahead and demonstrate it for me."

The look on his face was pretty priceless. :rofl:

 

I love hearing this stuff from Servicemen of other branches... Awesome!