efowler53... First off, welcome to defensive carry! You came to the right place.
Second, don't get discouraged! When you are new to firearms, picking out your first gun is a daunting task! You're going to get lots of recommendations and I'll address that in a moment.
OK, here's one of the most important things to do first. First of all, you are going to have to come to terms with what it means to carry a gun in the first place. You have to know inside if you are capable of using a gun against another human being. If you don't think you can, don't get a gun. At least not yet.
Everyone must come to terms with what it really means to have the ability to take a human life on a moment notice. One must know what the awesome responsibility it is, to carry the power to take a life with the pull of a trigger. One must feel that their life has value and that no one has the right to violate your body and to do harm against you and that you have the absolute right to defend yourself and to use lethal force if it is necessary. We call this; doing the requisite inner soul searching where you sit down and contemplate just what type of value you place on yourself as a human being; where you stand on drawing the line; and whether you are capable enough to use the gun or to take a life if you feel your life is threatened. We all must do it. At some point you will too.
Why? Because, bottom line is guns do not scare bad guys! If you have any illusions that pulling your gun on a bad guy is going to just magically scare him away you are deluding yourself. If once you pull your gun, then for whatever reason, you can't bring yourself to pull the trigger, you'll likely die. It's just that simple. And it is that real. Now, with that said... There may be lots of times when you may have to pull your gun, and in the end, you end up not having to shoot the guy, Great! It happens! Sometimes, the bad guy does have a moment of clarity and does in fact back down and run away. But Do Not Count On It or Bet Your Life On It!
Read my signature line.... The gun is the great equalizer... It does allow the weak to repel the monsters... Most of the time, it's our only chance. However, you have to be capable of using it.
OK, enough of that.
Now, the most general advice is what kind of gun to get and what caliber. The options are literally endless, so we have to kind of whittle down the choices a bit. Generally, it is considered to be best to carry a gun in the largest caliber you can shoot accurately and shoot well. But we also need to carry the gun with us all the time. A gun left in the dresser at home is of no use when you carrying groceries to the car in some parking lot at night and you become the target of a rapist. So, we also need a gun small enough that you will be comfortable carrying ALL THE TIME.
I will also recommend that any gun you decide to get, try to get an opportunity to try one out first. It doesn't have to be the exact gun, but if you are thinking of a 9mm auto-loader, at least try and get a chance to shoot one. If you are thinking of a .38 special revolver, try and find an opportunity to try one.
Now, speaking of getting a auto-loader (semi-automatic) pistol or a revolver, which one to get. It is a personal choice. I usually recommend a 1st gun choice for a defensive gun to be a revolver. I am not gender biased and only recommend the revolver to women. I recommend this based on size, simplicity, functional reliability and a decent caliber to stop bad guys. Did I start out with a revolver? No! My first gun was an auto-loader. But I now own 3 revolvers and would trust my life to anyone of them.
The revolver is the simplest gun to operate. Squeeze trigger and it goes bang! There are no mechanical safety levers you have to manipulate in order to get it to function. They are safe guns to handle and for the most part are fool proof. They do not malfunction to the level that semi-automatics do. Yes, like any mechanical object, it can jam or fail to fire, but trust me, it is way way rare for it to happen compared to an auto-loader. They are also a little more forgiving if you neglect the maintenance and upkeep on them. I would look at a revolver in the .38 special loading or .357 magnum loading. If you purchase a .357 magnum gun, you can also shoot .38 specials in the gun which is slightly less powerful than the magnum loads. However you can not shoot .357 magnum loads out of a .38 special. The magnum rounds are slightly longer than the .38 special loads and won't fit into the cylinder. The cylinder is the round cylinder which stores the bullets. .38 special bullets do fit into the .357 magnum guns and fire just fine. So you essentially get two guns in one if you purchase the .357 magnum.
As far as auto-loaders go, they are a lot more mechanically complicated to operate with more things to go wrong than with the revolver. That doesn't say a novice can't start off with an auto-loader, but bear in mind, it requires much more training, practice and attention to detail in order to operate. I started with an auto-loader and did just fine. However, I was interested in guns in general and had lots of friends who shot guns and I was willing to put in the time needed to become proficient with it. I would also recommend the 9mm caliber in a first time auto-loader. Most of them hold a lot of bullets and the recoil from the 9mm round is usually quite manageable for most shooters.
What I have offered here, is just some very basic and general directions to look. You have to decide on your own or with the help of some good friends who will help you and not just project their own personal favorites on you.
You should at least have an opportunity to shoot both a revolver and an auto-loader before making up your mind. There are some vast differences between the two and you wouldn't want to sell yourself short by not trying out both.
I also encourage you to come visit this forum often and read up on the discussions and continue to ask as many questions as you like. You'll get tons of help. Remember, don't let people push one thing over another on you. You decide on your own. But you'll get a lot of good advice. We have the best gun forum on the internet here. If you hang out here for any amount of time, you'll quickly come to believe that. We have lots of instructors, holster makers, competition shooters, police officers, former and active duty military and some great tacticians here. There is also a very solid woman's presence here, so you will not be the lone duck in the pond!
I hope this helps a little in your quest. Feel free to ask any question you want.
Also use the Private Message feature if you want to talk privately to someone you want more detailed information or clarification.
Good luck and welcome to our family! I hope you'll become an active member here and join our ranks!
Take care and stay safe.
