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Discussion Starter #1
So I have made mention to my wife a few times I'm going to take my class and start carring. She wasn't happy about it but it went no farther.
Last week I signed up for my class, I had made mention of it and she had a mini fit and stated she didn't want me to carry around her. And again last night we were discussing our plans for the week and I reminded her of my class Tuesday night. Well she went balistic. Even to the point of calling me crazy because I have discussed some mild prepping. Which I totally don't understand cause her uncle lives on the East coast and got caught up in the hurricane last summer and we discussed have about a months worth of supplies for situations like that and she was totally on board with that.

Anyways she is totally freaking out. I mentioned that her childhood friend has carried ever since he was legal to do so, so why isn't she worried about being around him. Her answer is that he is a cop.

I don't really get her fear. The entire time we have been together there has been a fully loaded shotgun under the bed. I have never once shown myself to be unsafe. In fact I practice safe handiling almost to a fault. She has never had a gun related incident in her life. And in fact she had someone break into her town home when we were dating. Luckily I was spending the night and was able to difuse the situation. Was a military guy on leave. She had participates in a penpal program and had sent him letters and cookies and stuff when he was in Iraq. Thought he was going to get a special cookie I guess. Anyways you would think she would be all about my protecting our family and even taking her own measures.

Some guidance or help on how to proceed would be appreciated. :)
 

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You need to figure out what and why she is so riled up and why there is no option for compromise on the issue.

Is it a safety issue? You need to demonstrate you are safe and capable of sound judgement. Are you historicly hot-headed? You need to check that. (Meant as examples only)

There's a reason, no matter how little sense it makes to us, that she needs to articulate, and you need to receptively listen and find some middle ground. If you don't come to terms with it now, it'll forever be a pain point, and you'll never have a chance to interest her in the sport.

There is hope, my wife was adamantly against and she now has two of her own, just need to give her time.
 

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Having nothing other than your note, has she ever gone shooting with you ... is the fear guns or something that happened in her past...

I agree, that you need to figure this out now or it will be a pain point forever
 

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Discussion Starter #4
You need to figure out what and why she is so riled up and why there is no option for compromise on the issue.

Is it a safety issue? You need to demonstrate you are safe and capable of sound judgement. Are you historicly hot-headed? You need to check that. (Meant as examples only)

There's a reason, no matter how little sense it makes to us, that she needs to articulate, and you need to receptively listen and find some middle ground. If you don't come to terms with it now, it'll forever be a pain point, and you'll never have a chance to interest her in the sport.

There is hope, my wife was adamantly against and she now has two of her own, just need to give her time.
She is currently 7 months pregnant. So I guess that helps explain her being irrational a bit. Haha
 

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My wife tolerates my CCW, but isn't overjoyed about it. She says that guns make her nervous. She has never shot anything other than a bb gun when she was young. My plan is to take her shooting, with a 22 at first. I want to teach her the basics, and then let her shoot some reactionary targets (steel plates, etc.). I think that will be fun for her and will make her more comfortable with guns. If she gets more comfortable and has some fun shooting, then she will know why I enjoy it. That's my plan anyway.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Having nothing other than your note, has she ever gone shooting with you ... is the fear guns or something that happened in her past...

I agree, that you need to figure this out now or it will be a pain point forever
Unfortunately I have not gotten her out shooting yet.
 

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Since she allows a loaded shotgun under the bed it seems clear she is OK with guns and OK with you and
OK with shooting BGs who get into the home.

My hunch is that what she fears is a male-ego hormone-fueled episode outside the home that could lead
you to the big house. Now, she doesn't need any rational reason for that fear. It is just there. In her
mind it is one thing to fight a home invader and something else to defend yourself on the street, and she
probably thinks the need for that is close to zero.

She may also be fearing an unfortunate interaction with an LEO. They happen. So from her perspective
she feels what you have in mind isn't really very safe.

Given the pregnancy, I'd give it a rest for now and not even raise the issue again for about a year.
Unless you have good reason to think you need to be armed outside of the home, you'll probably
be OK and she'll remain happy; and both of you will be better off for it.

Meanwhile you should read: "Little Black Book of Violence, what every young man needs to know about
fighting" (Its different from what the title implies), and both of you should read "Gift of Fear."

You can't win this at this point in time. Take care of your marriage and take care of your newborn when that
time comes. Don't sweat the small stuff, and with exceptions the choice of carrying or not is the small stuff.
 
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You probably won't. At best, she might accept "out of sight, out of mind."
 
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I guess I'm lucky. When I told my wife I was thinking of getting my CCW she started bugging my to take the class. I've since brought her out shooting which resulted in her wanting her own gun. Now she has her class booked for next month.

My advice for you, don't force it on her and be discrete when carrying around her. A while after the baby bring her out and teach her to shoot.
 

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My wife was like yours, just not as out spoken. We had an incident last year while visiting some family gravesites when we were approached by wild dogs. I drew my weapon and she and I made a very slow retreat to the car. It was the longest walk of my life. Fortunately, I didn't have to shoot. A few days later she looked at me and said she was glad I was cc and that it made her feel safer. Good luck and I hope things work out for you.
 

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My wife is understanding of me getting my CCW. The only stipulation was not around the house, or while I am around her and the kids.
I took the class, and am now waiting for the card to come in. She shoots with me, and enjoys going to the range, so I am thinking I can get her to warm up to the carry all the time thing.

One way I thought of trying it is to wear it around the house and see how long it takes for her to see it. :)

On a side note, she has mentioned some of her co-workers getting their CCW, so who knows, maybe she will warm up to it for herself.

Good luck though....As I learned from my father...."If Mom isn't happy...nobody's happy!!"
 

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That's where I'd want to be carrying more than any other time...
My thoughts exactly. It will be one of my points for when I have to have the conversation with her.
For her, she agrees with me carrying in my car and when I am at work (I work in a VERY public building, where the entire range of humanity visit), but I don't know if she thinks we are safe at home. I make sure to bring up examples of home invasions when they occur to illustrate my point.
 

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I have had my HCP for over a decade. my wife never had an inclination to take personal responsibility for her own protection until watching the evening news for several weeks - home invasions, robberies and shootings.

one day she asked if I minded if she got a HCP ... I was ecstatic ... overjoyed.

two years later, she carries, and we shoot weekly.

sent from ...
 

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Brantlyj,
Given the pregnancy, I'd give it a rest for now and not even raise the issue again for about a year.

You can't win this at this point in time. Take care of your marriage and take care of your newborn when that
time comes.
It's good that you've been willing to take on this additional step to assure the safety of your family. Unfortuanately, I don't know that you'll EVER be able to convice your wife that what you're doing is right. She needs TIME to become comfortable. And, yes, her pregnancy may be playing a role at this time, as well. Pregnancy is a wonderful thing, but also very stressful for the lady, especially in later stages. There will come a time when she's glad you're carrying. For example, I don't think my wife is particularly excited by me carrying, but she doesn't say anything. Last summer we were travelling out of town and found ourselves in an unfamiliar area at night. She patted me on my strong side waist as she asked, "Are you carrying?" Remain supportive of your wife and give her time to warm up to the idea. In the meantime, keep your ears and eyes open to discern if there's some unspoken problem on her end that's causing her uneasiness.
 

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When I started getting seriously back into shooting a couple of years ago, I went to the range every week and shot probably a couple of hundred rounds. My wife had no problem with it, but wondered what was so entertaining. A bunch of us at work dreamed up a mixed rimfire pistol league that our spouses/girlfriends could participate in...smartest move we ever made! Bought my wife a Ruger MkIII Hunter and got her hooked. First few times out she was a little skiddish, but not she loves it. She is now waiting for her CHCL to come in and ready to roll!
Be patient and gentle, and you'll have a great shootin' buddy.
 

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She's pregnant. IMO that's it right there. Pregnancy tends to make us little worriers. About everything. When I met my husband he had a cat. I didn't love it, but didn't completely hate it. I got pregnant and with a baby coming I made a huge issue about having an animal in the house. It might climb in the baby's crib and smother him, it might scratch him, it will bring dirt and disease in the house. The cat up until then had been indoor/outdoor - it became outdoor only. Guns?! Don't even think about that! (Hubby didn't have any at the time anyway, that was a later discussion (read: argument)

Five kids and many years later, I can look back and say yeah I was nuts. The cat would've been fine - and she was there first! Heck, we now have 2 Rottweilers and the later babies survived those (not that I ever left any dog alone with them as babies/toddlers if for no other reason than they are a bull in a china shop) We also have guns, 7 now. And to be honest I'm the resident "gun nut". He'll shoot once in awhile and that's it. Taking his concealed class is on the list, but not a big priority. Me on the other hand, I spend a lot of time on the forum reading what if's, I love to read magazines about what's new, I shoot often and carry daily. But it was honestly a long time in the making. I was adamant for years no guns in my house. I believed with my heart and soul that a gun in the home was more dangerous to the occupants of the home. One day, almost two years ago, while I was home alone with 2 of the kids, someone tried to break in. Luckily they didn't get in, something spooked them and they took off. But it was a huge wake up call for me. I have never been so scared, I KNEW I could not have protected my children if someone came in. I'm simply not physically strong enough against any man, there'd be no hand to hand fight. I bought a gun and a safe the next day. I spent A LOT of time at the range and learned how to use that gun. I always thought that I'd never be able to shoot another human being under any circumstance but when I saw the broken door and looked behind me at my kids, I knew I could. Mama bear showed up. I am still very very cautious. The guns are only ever two places - on my hip or in the safe.

IMO, the more you push, the more difficult it's going to be. Try and have a calm talk about it - what exactly is it she's not comfortable with? The gun in the house or that it will be on your waist all the time? Is she still ok with the shotgun under the bed? Cause that's going to need to get secured. If that's securable (lol if that's not a word, it is now) than by the same logic a handgun can be secured as well. Explain (maybe again) why you want to carry, that she and the baby are the most important things in your life and you want to be able to protect them at all times. I wouldn't have her at the range 7 months pregnant, but maybe when she's ready to leave the baby with a sitter she'd be open to a range trip.
 

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Would she agree to attend an NRA Basic Pistol class with you? Tell her it is all about safety, because it is. My wife attended and was surprised that there were just as many women there as men. She is fine with me carrying but said she does not want to, but does want access to the household firearms. Then we attended the NRA Personal Protection in the Home course and again just as many women as men. I have to admit I had a hard time wiping the smile off my face as she was walking around the room on break asking the other women about their handguns. You see, all of the women there were just like her; a wife and/or mother, a female, you get the picture. Now she is telling me which gun she wants for herself. BUT like Lish said, you may have to get through the pregnancy first. Good luck!
 

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My wife has made an appointment to take some shooting lessons, prior to her CCW class.

Soooo, in the meantime, my sister-in-law stops by after work and wants a few words with me. It seems she has had a few conversations with folks at her job (retail sales) and she is close to panicking about the proposed anti-gun legislation here in Colorado and what it will mean for folks after it passes. I filled her in on what is fact and what is rumor.

She now wants "a Glock 9" like she has read about. Then she asked me how much they go for and I said $550 to $600 and she was not prepared for that--sticker shock. We may have to help her with her purchase to make this deal happen for her. She has never been fascinated with guns or gun topics. But she is absolutely freaking out that she perceives a genuine threat to our 2nd Amendment Right.

If my sister-in-law can come to that profound--and absolutely true--realization, it's time to help your wife better understand what is at stake here. I'll be praying for your success.
 

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I dont have your problem since the wife is always pushing for more guns ammo as much as we can stock up. Shoots etc.

That being said and its not my first rodeo this is one of the few things that isnt up for negotiation as far as wife, kids Gfs etc go. If you can get her on board that would be great. If you cant well you just cant and do it anyway at least to the point of a SD weapon and carry. Its your right to protect your own life, not up to her or anyone else to say you cant. That hers is protected is a side benefit.

Had this " very brief" discussion with a GF in the long past. Her what ifs of horror and Im not comfortable with it etc etc ended with my statement of " Thats cool. I wont draw it on you or point it at you and since you are so uncomfortable with it if someone tries to rape, kill or mug you I will leave it in its holster and behave as if I dont have it unless they turn on me".

That was end of her rant and though she never became a gun person while we were together I never heard about it again.
 
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