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Let's insult everybody.

As a band of squirrels had become quite a problem, the Presbyterian church
called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After
much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were
predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery.
The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the
squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately,
knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the
following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of
God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free
near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the
Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey
around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol. They
sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized
all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them
at Christmas and Easter.

And not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel
and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since
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