I recommend you go out to gun stores with a knowledgeable and patient friend and look at different guns and sizes to see what you are comfortable with handling and carrying. Choose the largest gun with the largest caliber you will be able to shoot effectively and will still carry every day. It is all a compromise between size, comfort, and recoil. If possible, rent guns at a range or borrow friend's guns to see what recoil you can handle. Felt recoil is dependent on gun size, weight, and caliber. The longer the barrel, the better the sight picture for accuracy. The bigger the gun, the less felt recoil. The heavier the gun, the more you tend to leave it home. The hotter the caliber or load, the more felt recoil. With the same ammo, a light weight short barrel handgun will have much more felt recoil than a heavier longer barrel handgun. Different grips on the same gun will affect the felt recoil. Recoil and sound affects how many rounds you will train with and how often you shoot the gun. Always wear hearing and eye protection when practicing or training. If you ever have to use it in self defense, you likely won't feel the recoil or hear the blast.
Revolvers are simple to operate. If you are going to carry a revolver in a purse or pocket like my wife does, then a revolver with a shrouded hammer and low rounded sights is the best to not hang up when drawn. You need a purse with a dedicated concealed space for the gun like a Coronado purse. My wife carries an S&W 640 most of the time. You can shoot it with .357 magnum or the much lower recoil .38 special ammo. The draw back to some of the shrouded hammer snub-nose revolvers is they are double-action only which are not great for target accuracy and trigger pull.
Some people have a very hard time racking the slide on semi-auto pistols. There are tricks like pushing in both directions instead of holding the grip and pushing on the slide. Other people have a better time if they hold the slide and push on the grip. There are some small caliber guns with a tip up barrel instead of racking the slide to chamber the first round. If the gun has an exposed hammer, cock the hammer before trying to rack the slide.
After you find out what works for you, then go for professional training. Too many husbands, boyfriends, or male instructors will just tell you what you want in a gun and caliber. It should be your choice after trying different types, different sizes, and different calibers. It has to become part of you, not what works for someone else.