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I wasn’t sure where to post this; it’s not really a defensive situation but more dealing with SA. In the past my wife has had a bad habit of opening the door to complete strangers. Twice she opened the door to a woman who was either mentally unstable or on drugs. We have talked about it and she has agreed to not open the door to anyone she either does not know or is not expecting like the bug man. And then yesterday, I was working in the backyard and came around the side of the house and a guy was standing at the front door and my wife was talking to him. She said, “There’s my husband you can talk to him.” Needless to say I was pretty rude to the guy (he was selling cleaning supplies) because I was a little frustrated at my wife. She said, “I heard the doorbell rang and thought it was you so I opened the door without looking.” She said her first thought when she saw the guy standing there was that I was going to be pissed and she was right. So NEW RULE. If I am outside working in the yard and need something I will NOT ring the doorbell. She also is against any type of pepper spray, hates my pistol, etc. She is pretty much a sheep but we are working on it. She has agreed to take a CWP class and go shooting so hopefully when we get past the general fear of guns she may get a little more comfortable. She has agreed to put some wasp spray by the front door so at least that’s a step in the right direction.
 

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Prayers sent and good luck. Along with that CWP class, I sugest you sit down with her as often as needed and discuss some SA procedures with her as often as it takes to teach her some awareness.
Maybe reading some of the scenarios posted here and have her think through them might get her pointed in the right direction. I would be very concered about her awareness when she leaves the house without you.
 

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Some people need to be hit over the head with the 2 x 4 to learn that it hurts.

I'm not encouraging you to commit acts of Domestic Violence, just making an observation. Your spouse sounds like one of those people, no offense intended.

My advice, don't try to force her to become a "Tactical Jane" as that will just push her further from your way of thinking most likely, and create a rift between the two of you. Either accept her for who she is, or move on.

There will be an opportunity in the future, if you stay together and don't force the issue, to bring her around but it may take a long time. Like the old saying, "better late than never."

Biker
 

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My wife doesn't open the door and is very distrusting(is that a word) of strangers, but she's against guns. She's given me every excuse from the kids having accidental shootings from playing with them to "your side of the family has such a problem with Manic Depression, do you think having a gun is smart" I'm another one that's not going to win anytime soon. I have possession of all my dad's guns, around 40 total, mostly antiques or just older stuff, but plan on getting a G26 in the near future for personal protection. Along with that gun will come a quick access finger combo safe near the bed somewhere. This may be the true test of our marriage, however.

Good luck, JP
 

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It took my wife 25 years to become "semi" comfortable around handguns. The more she learns about guns, the more easy she will be around them. Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Prayers sent and good luck. Along with that CWP class, I sugest you sit down with her as often as needed and discuss some SA procedures with her as often as it takes to teach her some awareness.
Maybe reading some of the scenarios posted here and have her think through them might get her pointed in the right direction. I would be very concered about her awareness when she leaves the house without you.
I have been letting her read some of the scenarios on DC. We have discussed SA, things like not getting near her van if there is a van parked next to it and things like that. Thanks for the prayers and feedback. She may be a sheep but at least she has a sheepdog watching her some of the time.
 

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I started my wife shooting a 10/22 which she really enjoyed. When we would go shooting I would also shoot my handgun. Before long she wanted to shoot handgun and found out that she is very good with it. It is my belief that; it is the projection of power under someones control that make a person move from being a sheep to being situational aware. If you can project power then someone else can also. If you are defenseless then you tend to thank everyone is defenseless. Sometimes it takes a bad event to open someone eyes to the fact that everyone is not the same as you are.
 

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My wife has always been supportive of my protecting of her and our family. She is careful and overall very situationally aware. Until recently she has not been interested in becoming firearm aware and competent. I have patiently encouraged and waited. It was while I was gone to Brazil recently and she heard a suspicious noise and realized she had no way to protect herself or our kids she began to be interested in learning how to use guns, "at least when you are out of town." A women's only CHL class, our 20 year old daughter and 2 colleagues wives came together today to be the next step. Looking forward to hearing what she thinks tonight.
 

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My wife is very scared of guns but she is not anti-gun. She just doesn't want anything to do with them. We have only been married for a very short time and living together only a bit longer. I plan to keep working on her but I have taken some steps to protect my favorite of the sheep. I am getting the yard fenced (this is partially for the dog's as well) so it will discourage people from coming to the house. Also she will be able to let the dogs out without having to be with them when I am not home some nights. I have installed a peep hole in the front door. I have also installed motion sensing lights over the garage so they will come on and light that side of the house when she comes home at night. I have also given thought to putting one of those chains on the door although I feel they might be a bit of false security...just some ideas...
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I started my wife shooting a 10/22 which she really enjoyed. When we would go shooting I would also shoot my handgun. Before long she wanted to shoot handgun and found out that she is very good with it. It is my belief that; it is the projection of power under someones control that make a person move from being a sheep to being situational aware. If you can project power then someone else can also. If you are defenseless then you tend to thank everyone is defenseless. Sometimes it takes a bad event to open someone eyes to the fact that everyone is not the same as you are.
I really hope it does not take a bad event to open her eyes. We did have a drunk ring our door bell a few months ago and that helped some but... She is really terrified about all guns in general but I know her well enough to think that If I could just get her shooting I think she would really enjoy it. Her dad has a couple of .22's that he keeps at his moms house. I'm contemplating asking him if I can borrow one of them. My instructor told me to bring her out to the range anytime and I hope she will go. I asked her s few days ago if she wanted to shoot before her class since she will have to shoot to pass the course. She, of course, said, "NO".
 

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i know the feeling my wife was like that when we first met no she is not
 

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I'm sorry your wife is being a little stubborn. Hopefully you can help her come around.

I would, however, switch that can of wasp spray to real OC spray. In many jurisdictions it can be illegal to use wasp spray as a means of self defense especially since you've made it clear that is what you are using it for. Check your local laws. I'd certainly hate for you or your wife to go down in flames for ignoring the warnings on the back of the can indicating it to be a federal offense to use the spray other than how the instructions indicate.
 

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I like the metal security doors. You can see out, but not in. Since they replace the screen door one can open the wooden door, and talk if they want to without danger that the person outside can make a forcible entry.
I also keep a can of OS at the front door.

Regards,
Jerry
 

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Discussion Starter #14
I'm sorry your wife is being a little stubborn. Hopefully you can help her come around.

I would, however, switch that can of wasp spray to real OC spray. In many jurisdictions it can be illegal to use wasp spray as a means of self defense especially since you've made it clear that is what you are using it for. Check your local laws. I'd certainly hate for you or your wife to go down in flames for ignoring the warnings on the back of the can indicating it to be a federal offense to use the spray other than how the instructions indicate.
Great point, thanks. I had not thought about that. It clearly states that on the back of the can. I need to search the forum but what are some good suppliers of OC spray?
 

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Put a BIG sign on your refrigerator saying "remember to buy life insurance policy on wife." Maybe that will wake her up. Don't know your situation, but it sounds like some kind of passive/aggressive behavior towards you.
 

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JP,

Private message sent.

V


I wasn’t sure where to post this; it’s not really a defensive situation but more dealing with SA. In the past my wife has had a bad habit of opening the door to complete strangers. Twice she opened the door to a woman who was either mentally unstable or on drugs. We have talked about it and she has agreed to not open the door to anyone she either does not know or is not expecting like the bug man. And then yesterday, I was working in the backyard and came around the side of the house and a guy was standing at the front door and my wife was talking to him. She said, “There’s my husband you can talk to him.” Needless to say I was pretty rude to the guy (he was selling cleaning supplies) because I was a little frustrated at my wife. She said, “I heard the doorbell rang and thought it was you so I opened the door without looking.” She said her first thought when she saw the guy standing there was that I was going to be pissed and she was right. So NEW RULE. If I am outside working in the yard and need something I will NOT ring the doorbell. She also is against any type of pepper spray, hates my pistol, etc. She is pretty much a sheep but we are working on it. She has agreed to take a CWP class and go shooting so hopefully when we get past the general fear of guns she may get a little more comfortable. She has agreed to put some wasp spray by the front door so at least that’s a step in the right direction.
 

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My beautiful wife is totally aware of what can lurk outside whether I'm gone or in the shower. I think the person on the other side of the door better think again when she says who are you, and what do you want while she has cover with a 12 gauge and don't get an answer. We have trained on this and other possible situations for a long time time, with every variation we can come up with. I'm confident and so is she. Keep training..
 

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My beautiful wife is totally aware of what can lurk outside whether I'm gone or in the shower. I think the person on the other side of the door better think again when she says who are you, and what do you want while she has cover with a 12 gauge and don't get an answer. We have trained on this and other possible situations for a long time time, with every variation we can come up with. I'm confident and so is she. Keep training..
Thanks for the encouraging words.
 

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Several other people have already given you some very good suggestions and advice. I'd just like to also wish you good luck, and my prayers that it doesn't take something to happen to you and yours to make her open her eyes.
 

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jp, i wish i could offer some advice. However i'm in the same boat as u and love the feedback we have gotten here. I just hope it wont take something tragic or 25 years for her to come around. I can only imagine how bad things will b in 25 years
 
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