[fox2102]

Life has been pretty horrible lately. In the past 2 months my fiance has had a miscarriage, i wrecked my car, I got sick and had to miss work and since it's a dead end job with no benifits with little pay i was way short on my car payment. My parents helped me with that but i get a call from capital one and they tell me i never got my last months payment, my boss is on my ass because i'm "lazy" as he says. He doesn't take into account that I'm desperately trying to find a job, I have a fiance to think about now, and I have little time out side of school and work to do any of my personal buisness so I have to do it in between projects at work.

I have a 2 year degree in multimedia and it's basically a $42000 piece of paper and the degree i'm in now is equally useless. I want to transfer but I can't because since I work at the school as a work/study if i quit classes i'll lose my job as well. There are no benifits at this job and no chance for advancement. I'm basically paying them $84,000 so i can work for less that $12000 a year.

I dont want to switch degree's because i'm already so far in debt and I dont want to spend more money at a school that isn't even regionally accredited. And Im not the only one either. NO ONE from my graduating class or even anyone i know has gotten a job in field from my degree. I made a bad mistake in going to this school

Then to top it off my mom was put in the hospital friday because of a really bad ulcer. She has a lot of health problems as it is so it just worried me. She is ok now though. Should be out in a couple days.

I have depression. Been to a doctor about it before and they put me on meds and they helped some but i didnt like the way it made me feel. I would rather work through it and for a while I did. Well here with all this happening it's come back and suicide has crossed my mind more than once. Now i wouldn't do it but to be safe i left my weapons at my parents house 2 hours away from here. I'm not going to be carrying for a while...

Sorry for the sob story and the long post. just needed to vent

 

[Rugergirl]

You certainly have some reasons to be depressed.
The good thing is that you have recognized the depression and made a smart decision.
Don't worry about venting, if it helps, go for it, and we really don't mind if you do. I'm sure there are others, going through tough times as well, and I hope that your decision sets a good example for others who may be going through some tough times.
For all who are, I hope you consider us here as friends who will listen.
I'd much rather read a "venting post" than a bad story in the news.

 

[moggie6]

Hey it's ok. I agree with Rugergirl. I'd rather have this long post than a bad story. You pm me if you need someone to talk vent to. It takes a lot of courage to make that choice. Keep your head up we're right behind you.

 

[boricua]

I think that you are doing the wise thing. Prioritize your life, meaning that you are number one and the most important thing to you is you. Once you resolve your medical issues, then you can deal with everything else.

A degree is nice, but does not guarantee a job. Don't be afraid of looking for something outside of your specialty or degree. Life puts obstacles in our lives to use them a stepping stones to success and happiness.

Hang in there!

 

[Avenger]

Thank you for sharing. Its okay to vent, thats what some people on this forum do ALL the time!:argue:

You made the right decision by benching your firearms. Believe it or not, I am proud that you reconized your illness and did that on your own accord. I am sure others will agree with that.

My advice to you is get some help. I know you said the Dr.'s put you on some meds that you didnt like. But maybe there is something out there that you will like and might just do the trick. Being depressed all the time really doesnt go away on its own.

Be rest asured though, you have started doing the right thing, talking about it does help even though its painful. I am sure in time, things will get better. Hang in there! :hand10:

 

[fox2102]

I think that you are doing the wise thing. Prioritize your life, meaning that you are number one and the most important thing to you is you. Once you resolve your medical issues, then you can deal with everything else.

A degree is nice, but does not guarantee a job. Don't be afraid of looking for something outside of your specialty or degree. Life puts obstacles in our lives to use them a stepping stones to success and happiness.

Hang in there!

I've been looking everywhere. I've got almost 2 years of IT experience fixing computers and can't even get geek squad to call me back and those guys are idiots. I can't even get a job at target. I partly blame my degree on that too because with a degree a lot of employers feel that i wont stay long or i'd expect to be paid more.

 

[boricua]

I've been looking everywhere. I've got almost 2 years of IT experience fixing computers and can't even get geek squad to call me back and those guys are idiots. I can't even get a job at target. I partly blame my degree on that too because with a degree a lot of employers feel that i wont stay long or i'd expect to be paid more.

Look at the it in a positive way. Working for Target and GS might limit your ability to expand your wings. Think about all the people that own computers. They are all opportunities for you to provide your services.

Start small and create a reputation, and then the referrals will come your way. From there you either go to work for a large corporation or fly solo.

 

[gymteach65]

I think that you are wise to get your guns out of your house. You have a lot to live for and when life gets bad suicide is never a solution. Getting the guns out of the house is the easy way out and a good idea but you need to get more help then just getting rid of the weapons. If those thoughts are going to through your mind you need to get some counseling. Meds are not always the answer to problems also they deal with the symptoms and not really the core of the issue. That doesn't mean that you need to go to a shrink, (They are very costly and sometimes don't help a ton) You may want to consider going to a church and talk to a pastor or see if the church as some one who can help you out with out costing you a lot of money. I am year away form having my masters of Divinity and becoming a pastor and we a taught how to counsel people who are in your very situation. I think that would really help you. My prayers are with you, and your fiance.

 

[BugDude]

The important thing is that you have recognized depression and you are aware of its affects. Please talk with your physician. Let your physician know what is going on with you and discuss how the meds made you feel. There are lots of meds out there to assist and you may need to try different ones to find what works for you. Talk with your family and friends. Also, prayer and reading the Bible always helps to put things into perspective. There are folks here who know what you are going through...feel free to let us know how we can help.

 

[Arko]

Seriously, good job on deciding to secure the weapons for awhile.
There was a period last year where I quietly did the same thing just in case my judgment would be clouded by all the crap I had going on.

I echo the sentiments above as well. Don't give upon professional help.
And get some exercise. It's the last thing you're going to want to do, but you'll feel better after you do, every time.

Good luck.

 

[LethalStang]

I'll be thinking about ya man, hope you get things in your life straightened out. Unfortunely we all have our problems and sometimes they all come at once like in your case. Keep your head up, we're all here for you if you need to talk. :wave:

 

[Bm7b5]

The fact that you can recognize you are depressed and take precautionary measures speaks well of you. I hope you have a down-to-earth, even-keel person you can talk with. Good luck and don't be afraid to take some risks, shake things up, and pursue what you really love doing. And finances are just finances. I personally know a multi-millionaire who is depressed and miserable, and someone living paycheck to paycheck who is an upbeat, happy person.

 

[fox2102]

Yeah, What I really want to do is go to a community college near here and learn to fly helicopters. I dont want to be at my school anymore.

I also want to get out from my car. I'm paying $417 a month for my car and that's nearly half my monthly income. I can't refinance because of high miles and i owe to much to sell it. Capital one wont work with me either so i'm kinda screwed on that part.

I think i'm going to take my whole tax return and any extra money i get, save enough to pay my bills for 2 months, and then quit my job and school and pray i find something before i run out of money

 

[HKinNY]

First a big :congrats: for realizing that there is a problem. I think anybody here on the board would be willing to loan a ear. We all have gone thru problems. That is what friends are for. Please check out

AFSP: Find Your Chapter

Speak to a pastor,rabbi,or trusted friend. There is help out there.

 

[RETSUPT99]

There is a light at the end of every tunnel...hang in there. Vent as often as you have to, we are thinking about you. We all have down times...Murphy's Law says so...you can climb above it all...stay calm and use your long-term thinking head.:icon_neutral:

 

[fox2102]

Yeah i do need to find a church up here. I haven't been in birmingham long. 6 months maybe. I have a paster i really like back home i need to talk to.. i bet he could help

 

[bruce21b]

fox,

first....you deserve kudos for recognizing you have a problem.....

and there is a kind of "therapy" in talking to others, especially if they have been through hard times.....

I have two degrees, a bachelors and associates from a major university (92' grad, so its been a while).....after graduation i had big dreams of a career in Federal Law enforcement.....then i started having severe panic attacks along with depression...i was out of work for TWO YEARS.....taking medication and seeing several doctors/shrinks......

i went from big dreams of a prestigious career to PAINTING HOUSES FOR FIVE BUCKS AN HOUR......THEN WORKING MAINTENANCE AT APARTMENTS FOR SEVEN BUCKS AN HOUR.....

panic and depression messed me up so bad all of my dreams/hopes just went up in smoke......

after spending years in a depressive FUNK i finally found a good doctor and the right medicine to help me,,,,,although i do not work in my Degree field and dont work for the Federal Govt. i have a good job now working for the largest internet retailer for the past ten years and i am HAPPY.......

right now the world sucks and your life feels worthless....IVE BEEN THERE......

you are not alone!!!! others have been there, I have been there....you will survive these tough times!!!! and i am praying for you

Bruce

 

[Thumper]

Praying for you Fox... I can totally relate.

 

[mpitcock]

Sorry you are having issues...It is smart to put the toys up for a while and focus on your health...

Have you considered talking to a military recruiter?
You have computer skills and you said you want to learn to fly helicopters...

 

[AllAbtSlfDef]

Hey fox, I have been in your shoes too. I was so depressed at one point that all I did was sleep and cry for three days. Finally I told my parents and GF(now wife) that I needed help, a dr., or minister. That night my minister told me that suicidal thoughts are a sign that the devil is trying to get to us. He prayed for me and I truly gave my life to christ, not like I did when I was 12 ( ok yeah sure i'll be a christian.) I am 24 now, I have been thru some bad bad things as well and they have always gotten better. If you let the lord guide your life, it won't wrong, it may not be what we want, but it will be what is supposed to be.

Good job on packin the guns away. Good eye. I wish you the best and will pray for you, Things can only get better when you are at rock bottom. Look into a daily devotional, the upper room is a good one, get yourself a nice bible, wal-mart actually has a nice selection, and cheap too.


Lord, bless this man and his family, watch over them and guide them thru the rest of their days, be his light lord, cast off the darkness in his heart, and heal his pain. In Jesus' name if it's of your will Lord. Amen.

Good luck brother.