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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
First a brief description of myself. I am 75 years old, artificial left leg (BK), and have rheumatoid arthritis. I feel when I am out and about I am a prime candidate for a mugging or worse, that's why I decided to CC some time ago. Now my situation is that I take this CC very seriously and occasionally mention different scenarios to my live in girlfriend of 13 years. She does not take it seriously, laughs, and calls my attempts at "how to respond" play acting. When I confront her with the seriousness of the situations we could face, she halfheartedly agrees but still continues to joke about it. I feel that I have to let her know her part in a confrontational scenario but I can't seem to get her serious attention.

Anyone else here have that problem ? If so, how did you handle it ?
 

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I actually think you are correct. My wife married me early into my law enforcement career and learned that whilst we were together she had a part to play. When we added children to the equation it made things drive home more solidly. I explained it to her like this....."if you don't know what to do you place me in more danger if things turn south. It makes things nearly impossible for me to respond to a threat AND tend to you and the kids at the same time. If my attention is on you and the kids, even just giving you verbal instructions, my attention is not fully on the threat that I have to deal with."

A couple of times in the past things have come up that have shown her the logic behind putting forethought it how an unarmed person should react when with an armed family member. I hope your girlfriend sees the benefits of this as well.....and soon.
 
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Your idea is actually a very good idea. Even military and LE will practice and rehearse for missions or situations that they may face.
Back in the early 90's we made a mock set up of the American Embassy in Liberia using chairs, boxes, ropes and anything we could find on the ship to simulate doors, halls, walls, ect, an hour before we boarded our CH-53.

Scenario training for a known or expected situation is good conditioning.
 
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Start simple. When in the car, tell her you're going to call 'danger' or something and her role is to get out her cell phone and pretend to dial 911, and get out the camera and video and report to you the license number of the car in front.

At home, call 'danger' and have her get her cell and do the pretend 911 and find your empty backup gun with a carefully placed snapcap and bring it to you from the bedroom safe (for example).

Have a small bag of Reeses' pieces and give her one for each successful attempt. If she giggles she doesn't get one.

HTH
 

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My wife doesn't want to be included in my planning either.

So, I plan around her. It almost makes it easier to know that she has no responsibility, and knowing her, I know she'll panic if something bad does happen, so I can plan accordingly.
 

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My wife doesn't want to be included in my planning either.

So, I plan around her. It almost makes it easier to know that she has no responsibility, and knowing her, I know she'll panic if something bad does happen, so I can plan accordingly.
I still think you should compel her to at least call 911. Also practice leaving the grocery cart in the store and going to the car if you call a drill. It doesn't involve any guns, but can get some help.

I've been thinking about SD for 35 years and my fairly recent conclusion is that solo SD is pretty much a wash. You -need- to partner up. Note that in the old days this saved many a police officer. Real, serious, dangerous SD, involving real predators is something even the trained single (solo) LAC is not equipped on several levels, with which to cope.
 

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I take this CC very seriously and occasionally mention different scenarios to my live in girlfriend of 13 years. She does not take it seriously, laughs, and calls my attempts at "how to respond" play acting. When I confront her with the seriousness of the situations we could face, she halfheartedly agrees but ...
Next vacation you get, head out to a decent force-on-force training course, in which you can both learn the measure of yourselves and your misunderstandings about self-defense "street" situations. They're very real, ugly, brutal, fast-moving. You don't want to blow it, when in one. You certainly don't want to be fighting each other through one. Such a course designed around your limitations/goals could be the best thing you (both) ever do.
 

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...with obvious physical problems, and having attained a "mature" age, we are surely attractive to those weasels who prey on those weaker than themselves...

...our concealed weapon is our Ace in the hole, but repelling an attack and letting the weasel know that we are NOT his target begins way before the draw...

...being alert and aware of those approaching, looking around even while talking to a particular person, and looking the weasel right in the eye are all things he doesn't want to see...I often speak to him as he approaches...eye-to-eye...he'd prefer someone who ducked down and was afraid to look at him...pausing in your speech as you look at him also sends the "not me" message...as does slipping your hand in a pocket...whether that's where your gun is or not...he knows you've noticed him, you've not shown fear, and you seem to have a plan...

...as far as scenarios...my wife...forget it...she doesn't want to think that way...my 3 sons, since they were 8 or 10 and learned to shoot...I taught the how, when, and why as a package...many scenarios...they would come back to me a day or so later and ask a question or offer an idea...most of them good ones...that showed they were "cooking" what we'd talked about...

...I worked graveyards...and in the dead night I'd tell my rookies story after story and what-if them till their ears bled...the result was that we worked together smoothly...knew what each other was likely to do, and made fewer mistakes...must have taken...every one of them is retired safely...and healthy...

...I'd keep gently trying to help your wife learn....letting her know that you take your responsibility to keep her safe and you safe for her benefit very seriously...she may warm up to the ideas you have...in the meantime...make plans that don't rely on her to help...
 

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Next vacation you get, head out to a decent force-on-force training course, in which you can both learn the measure of yourselves and your misunderstandings about self-defense "street" situations. They're very real, ugly, brutal, fast-moving. You don't want to blow it, when in one. You certainly don't want to be fighting each other through one. Such a course designed around your limitations/goals could be the best thing you (both) ever do.
Keep in mind the OP is 75 yo. I don't think this is a good idea. The key thing is consistency and two pairs of eyes. Make sure you lock the front door each night and have the other check it. Have a home alarm. Have the SO able to bring your backup gun to you (using a snap cap safe gun). Have them speed dial set up 911 and practice fake dialing it on demand. It doesn't have to involve shooting a firearm. Carry your firearm on you in the house.

You can do years of force-on-force and still be overwhelmed, caught unprepared, taken off balance. To me such training is the extra 5%, useful, yes, but you're better served doing the basics. Live in a safe area, have layered alarms, locks and maybe a dog, lock bedroom door (to slow them down), have speed dial and take your phone into the bedroom, trim shrubbery, do a little scenario running and assign reasonable tasks to your mate. I think it would be the rare person who would not at least practice dialing a phone, or keeping a look out.

When out of the home, accept store assistance when loading your car, do the three S rule. It should be a very rare occasion that you need to even think about drawing your firearm in such case. But again, the main thing is to always have it with you. Have your mate check 'dear, did you check that I locked the doors and armed the alarm? Did you bring your pistol in the bedroom? Do you have the emergency cell by the bed?'.

It has little to do with firing a nasty gun, heh, but it's the 85-95% of what works, imo.
 

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OP: Here's one recent course ... Review of Partner Tactics Training Course at Tactical Defense Institute | ThruMyLens .

Keep in mind the OP is 75 yo. I don't think this is a good idea.
All training that's decently done can be adjusted to accommodate folks most in need of the lessons to be learned. I have yet to take courses through a top trainer who couldn't make accommodations. (Old injuries, here. BTDT. Works very well, for many folks.)

You're exactly right to point out that self-defense is largely not about a gun, nor accuracy. It's really about mindset, awareness, decisiveness, determination, people-watching skills, situation management, people management and all the rest, leveraging a partner, leveraging the space/tools available ... all of those things other than shooting. Absolutely.
 

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I would advise not to get too worried about it. The big point here is that you are talking about it. You may be surprised how much she retains if/when the time comes. One way that parents are encouraged to train children is to make a game out of it and make it fun and not so serious. They are still getting the information. The same is true for her. Is it ideal? No. But it's better than dropping the subjects all together.

Tell her what you want to do. Let her laugh it off. Keep telling her. Let her laugh it off. When the time comes you very well may see her snap into action and do exactly what you've been telling her to do all along. Again, it's not as perfect as getting her involved and working the scenarios with you but it can be effective and way better than continuing to press the issue to the point where she tells you to shut up about it. Then you are shutting down the whole operation.

Baby steps!

Sent from my GT-N8013 using Tapatalk 2
 

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I am 65 wife is 62 and we practice. If one of us sees a problem or something to worry us we mention lemonade. This is the word that makes the other person look around and become aware of the perceived problem. If we both agree this could be a problem we seperate and find a reasonable cover until the problem passes. We each have things to do in different scenarios I won't bore you with the whole plan.

Sitting at lunch the game begins did you see the lady with the neck tattoo? Yes I did ?? was she carrying a purse, What color was her dress etc. it makes us aware and observant and it is a lot of fun trying to out do each other on what we see and look for.

75 and a girlfriend of 13 years don't screw it up over this! just my thoughts.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I want to thank everyone for the helpful replies. Since I posted this I told her what I did (posted) here. She got a little indignant thinking I revealed personal information, which I assured her I would never do. Then we talked about the problem and got a few things squared away. She mentioned that she has been seeing me in a different light since my SA, HD, and CC has never entered the picture before, and that she considers it different. She said she is very aware of what kind of a world it is out there, but seeing me take SD so seriously comes as a surprise to her. She does laugh very readily at many things I say and do, so maybe I'm just reading too much into that.

There have been some great suggestions made and I intend to use them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Start simple. When in the car, tell her you're going to call 'danger' or something and her role is to get out her cell phone and pretend to dial 911, and get out the camera and video and report to you the license number of the car in front.

At home, call 'danger' and have her get her cell and do the pretend 911 and find your empty backup gun with a carefully placed snapcap and bring it to you from the bedroom safe (for example).

Have a small bag of Reeses' pieces and give her one for each successful attempt. If she giggles she doesn't get one.

HTH
Your name wouldn't happen to be Sheldon Cooper of The Big Bang Theory would it ? The episode where he tries to use candy as a behavioral method to train Penny............ Just kidding.
 

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in a world of people stumbling around staring at, or yakking into, cell phones, the predators out there have easy pickings. don't be prey. keep your phone in your pocket while out and about. look at everyone. scan parked cars for occupants. turn and look over your shoulder occasionally. carry a 200 lumen flashlight at night. no one wants to attack into a blinding light. the hyenas out there observing the herd will quickly pass you by in favor of one of the self-hobbled masses around you. the irony of actually having to draw a weapon in self defense is that the lack of SA which probably invited the attack will most likely render you incapable of responding in time.
 

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Just remember, what you see as "not taking you serious" and laughing could very well be a very high level of nervousness. She may be hiding the fact that she is not at her comfort level in firearms and her reaction is to giggle and laugh to make it less threatening.

You may want to start at ground zero again and totally without firearms in the picture, discuss what she would feel comfortable doing in order to protect you if something happened where you were injured and couldn't defend yourself. Many times the "protector" will come out in this scenario and she may be able to tell you what makes her uncomfortable with firearms training. It could be as simple as having her take a basic course from an instructor instead of from you since she may feel like she's not as smart as you or doesn't want to let you down OR look silly in front of you. I see this very often and when a non biased instructor is introduced the anxiety of looking bad to a mate disappears.


Good luck and keep working with her at her speed. If nothing else, get her in the mind set that if you ever DO have to defend yourself with a handgun she needs to know to get away from you and the line of fire, find cover (explain the difference between cover and concealment) and call 911 and make SURE she knows to describe you ACCURATELY to the dispatcher so they know who the good guy is.
 
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My wife doesn't want to be included in my planning either.

So, I plan around her. It almost makes it easier to know that she has no responsibility, and knowing her, I know she'll panic if something bad does happen, so I can plan accordingly.
We are in the same boat. I plan around her.
 
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