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Dear Terrorist, now that we have apprehended you (instead of killing you) at the cost of US Soldier’s lives I am ordered by the United States Supreme Court to advise you of your rights.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law but probably will be thrown out of court because it might be found prejudicial to your case. Same goes for any hard evidence we might have found on you.
You have the right to be speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at U.S. Taxpayers’ expense. If you choose to use a left-wing liberal attorney who will lie, cheat and bribe his way into your freedom, the U.S. Taxpayers will be more than happy to pay for it.
You have the right to posh accommodations and meals that cost more than the ones we provide to our service people. If you choose, you can have a-la-carte meals of foodstuffs you have never tasted before.
You have a right to the best health care in the world. You will be cured of all and any diseases we find on you or risk being sued or your case thrown out of court for “cruel and unusual punishment.” Such health care will be provided at U.S. Taxpayers’ expense.
You have the right to be heard on American Universities and Air America Radio denouncing the evils of the United States. You will be given standing ovations by the likes of Al Franken, Randy Rhodes, Ward Churchill, Jesse Jackson, Noam Chumsky and others. All travels’ cost, lodging and food will be paid for you at U.S. Taxpayers’ expense.
You have the right to be interviewed by Michael Moore and be a part in his next movie where he denounces and lies about The United States. You shall be paid the union scale and a producer and a manager will be provided to you at U.S. Taxpayers’ expense.
In the unlikely event that a jury finds your actions are so destructive that it deems you are guilty, the United States will provide you with all the means necessary to appeal such conviction. These means include: Keep paying for your lawyers, free websites where you can collect monies, Hollywood celebrities taking up for your cause, the fabrication of testimony, evidence and “witnesses” to be shown on the major Networks, Newspapers and Cable News and any help you deem necessary to go out free and kill more innocent people.
As decided by the US Supreme Court on June 29, 2006.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law but probably will be thrown out of court because it might be found prejudicial to your case. Same goes for any hard evidence we might have found on you.
You have the right to be speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at U.S. Taxpayers’ expense. If you choose to use a left-wing liberal attorney who will lie, cheat and bribe his way into your freedom, the U.S. Taxpayers will be more than happy to pay for it.
You have the right to posh accommodations and meals that cost more than the ones we provide to our service people. If you choose, you can have a-la-carte meals of foodstuffs you have never tasted before.
You have a right to the best health care in the world. You will be cured of all and any diseases we find on you or risk being sued or your case thrown out of court for “cruel and unusual punishment.” Such health care will be provided at U.S. Taxpayers’ expense.
You have the right to be heard on American Universities and Air America Radio denouncing the evils of the United States. You will be given standing ovations by the likes of Al Franken, Randy Rhodes, Ward Churchill, Jesse Jackson, Noam Chumsky and others. All travels’ cost, lodging and food will be paid for you at U.S. Taxpayers’ expense.
You have the right to be interviewed by Michael Moore and be a part in his next movie where he denounces and lies about The United States. You shall be paid the union scale and a producer and a manager will be provided to you at U.S. Taxpayers’ expense.
In the unlikely event that a jury finds your actions are so destructive that it deems you are guilty, the United States will provide you with all the means necessary to appeal such conviction. These means include: Keep paying for your lawyers, free websites where you can collect monies, Hollywood celebrities taking up for your cause, the fabrication of testimony, evidence and “witnesses” to be shown on the major Networks, Newspapers and Cable News and any help you deem necessary to go out free and kill more innocent people.
As decided by the US Supreme Court on June 29, 2006.