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Who Says That Cops Don\'t Have A Sense Of Humor?

\"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they\'re
new. They\'ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.\"

\"Take your hands off the car again, Slick, and I\'ll make your birth
certificate a worthless document.\"

\"If you run, you\'ll only go to jail tired.\"

\"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn\'t
know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun.\"

\"So you don\'t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the ticket, huh?\"

\"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don\'t think it
will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?\"

\"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I\'m warning you not to do that
again or I\'ll give you another ticket.\"

\"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk
or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?\"

\"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop.\"

\"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.\"

\"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.\"

\"Just how big were those two beers?\"

\"No sir we don\'t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now
we\'re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.\"

\"I\'m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of
yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.\"

\"You didn\'t think we give pretty women tickets? You\'re right, we
don\'t. Sign here.\"
 

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A few that I picked up while working armed security in da'hood/public housing projects in Indianapolis.

(Sang to a perp laying handcuffed on the ground, arrested by one of our Special Deputies. He was expressing his dissatisfaction at being arrested)
\"If you\'re happy and you know it, bump your head! (thump thump) If you\'re happy and you know it, bump your head!\" :D

\"Are you going to answer me, or do I have to ASP you the question again?!?\"

\"If you\'re feeling froggy, sport, just jump!\" (me to a \'customer'that was unhappy)

\"Why am I messin'with you? Well, other than the fact that you are on the Trespass list, drunk, and loudly arguing in the hallway at 1 in the morning...no reason!\" ;) :realmad:

\"Homeboy is as Homeboy does.\"
 
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