[JAT40]

The wife went out shopping this morning and once again she didn't have her weapon. Even after I said " where is your 9mm?" This is very disappointing because our agreement was if we made the investment to set her up for CC she would carry.

She has slowly drifted away from the core DC beliefs of always carry. When she first received her LTC she was faithful to carry her M&P 9c daily. Now it seems less important to her.

My encouraging remarks about the potential threats and the need to stay safe seem to no longer work. We try to get to the range as much as possible and that helps.

It's been a battle, any ideas or thoughts?

 

[mengel4228]

The wife went out shopping this morning and once again she didn't have her weapon. Even after I said " where is your 9mm?" This is very disappointing because our agreement was if we made the investment to set her up for CC she would carry.

She has slowly drifted away from the core DC beliefs of always carry. When she first received her LTC she was faithful to carry her M&P 9c daily. Now it seems less important to her.

My encouraging remarks about the potential threats and the need to stay safe seem to no longer work. We try to get to the range as much as possible and that helps.

It's been a battle, any ideas or thoughts?

Maybe try finding her a smaller weapon to carry. My friends wife left her Glock at home 90% of the time. He happened to see my Kahr and he went out and got a Kahr PM9. Now she prolly carries 95% of the time. Just a thought.

 

[doctorw]

+1 on the size issue. She has a fine firearm, but I can see where it may be burdensome for her to carry something that size in black. Make sure to get her something that is easy to carry that appeals to her eye.

 

[coriantan]

Make sure that if you get her another gun, let HER choose the gun. She'll have a greater attachment to a gun she chooses herself.

Also, check with her to see if she doesn't like her holster. If she's not comfortable, that could be a contributing factor.

I'm having this problem right now myself. I carry every waking hour, even at work. My wife keeps coming up with excuses. Her latest was that she hasn't taken a shower yet today, so she'll put her gun on when she gets out of the shower, which she'll take after she gets home from the store...

 

[varob]

I'm sure some of ladies here can offer better advice then me. But I showed my wife the cornered cat website and it helped some.

 

[Trouble]

Maybe she is just not comfortable carrying a gun? Maybe it's not the size of the gun or the type of holster.

 

[Saber]

I’m sure you already determined if it’s the size of the gun or just old fashion complacency. I know that in my case, I sometimes become complacent and/or I simply don’t want any restrictive objects on my person. This actually caused me to re-think my carry arsenal down from a mega-stopper to a simpler set of light/heavy revolvers.
Regards,

 

[chenemf]

This is very disappointing because our agreement was if we made the investment to set her up for CC she would carry...

She has slowly drifted away from the core DC beliefs of always carry...

Now it seems less important to her..

It's been a battle, any ideas or thoughts?

If this has been a battle, maybe this isn't what she believes or maybe she has reservations.

 

[JAT40]

I won't let become a issue in our marriage, it's more of a battle for me than her.

I believe it's complacency, she picked her own carry weapon after trying many handguns at the shooting sports center.

I have offered my 642 for her to try for a change up with no success.

I'm at a loss on how to spark up that initial interest she once had without being a nag.

 

[Rcher]

I am confronted with this quite frequently with my wife too. I let her pick her own gun and have had her to the range many times, she shoots it well. My wife is a little intimidated by handguns. She is very proficient with her shotgun and archery equipment but hasnt had much experience with handguns until the last few years. She is still apprehensive about carrying. I wanted her to have a smaller pistol but she chose a medium sized pistol because it fit her hands better. I even bought her a CCW purse thinking that she would atleast keep it in there at home ... no, it's in her dresser drawer unloaded.

I have decided to be patient and let her do it on her own. There's no point in harrassing her, she will only resent it more. We discuss the reason's for self preservation all the time and she supports my decision to carry and also all the guns in the house. I think a smaller gun would be easier for most women to carry but all I can do is guide. She has to make that decision herself.

I feel your concerns, good luck.

 

[Wiggy]

Sometimes folks just don't want to carry everywhere. It's a big responsibility and sometimes people would rather leave it at home. It's not that they don't believe that they could be involved in a robbery or assult, it's just that If it makes them uncomfortable, it effects thier quality of life in a negative way and that's something no one wants. They don't feel the need to carry everywhere all the time. I think sometimes people lose sight of the fact that you're not a slave to the gun just because you can carry one, it's just one option out of many to have with you.

But don't feel like the time and money you spent on getting her permit was wasted, because it wasn't. She now has the option to carry if she wants to and training is never wasted.

When she wants to carry, she will.

 

[David in FL]

Maybe try finding her a smaller weapon to carry. My friends wife left her Glock at home 90% of the time. He happened to see my Kahr and he went out and got a Kahr PM9. Now she prolly carries 95% of the time. Just a thought.

+1.

A .380 or .32 in the pocket is better than the 9mm at home in the safe.

 

[nova83tx]

I would think that the most appropriate way to handle this situation is to have a healthy dialogue. When you chat with her about this, are you just mentioning it passively while you are in the car, or do you sit her down one on one and have a genuine conversation about this without any distractions?

First of all, I believe I would offer up positive reinforcement. Something along the lines of "I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for all the effort you have given participating with me getting your LTC and going to the range. You know how important I think our SD is, and I think that it is fantastic you join me in the training and activities, because most other wives wouldn't usually participate." (I am NOT saying that women don't EDC, I am just trying to create a statement where the OP's wife feels special. I hope none of the female's on this site take the above statement the wrong way)

After you offer up your own form of positive reinforcement (designed to get her to relax about the subject, and hopefully put her in a positive mindset), begin to gently ask a few questions. "I have noticed lately that the enthusiasm you had for EDC has started to taper off a bit, and I was wondering if there has been anything that has changed your mind about SD/EDC." Or you could say "I want to make sure that I am here for you and support you 100% on your decision, so I am here for any questions or concerns that you have about your EDC."

Pretty much ask questions and get her to talk about HER feelings and opinions of SD/EDC. Let her talk, don't interrupt or make points while she is opening up, and listen to everything she has to say. It is important that she knows that you care about what she is thinking, and you aren't trying to be pushy at this point and tell her that her feelings are wrong.

You then need to make sure that you explain in a calm and non-confrontational demeanor your feelings about her EDC. Do you have kids that you are concerned about their safety? Are you worried about her well being because you love and care for her?

That's it, use this open communication to now have an understanding of what she is thinking and feeling, and now she knows very clearly your opinions as well. Using this as a starting point, you can calmly bring up concerns that she has or problems she might be experiencing, and handle them one by one.

Is the gun too large, or she doesn't have a carry method she likes? Does she find a firearm unnecessary in her mind? Is she hesitant about knowing the laws and regulations well, and feels awkward carrying in public? There are tons of reasons she might not be carrying and I won't assume to know any, so you must ask and find these out yourself.

If you need easy rationalization points . . . I always use cars because everyone drives. She doesn't carry anymore because she doesn't think it necessary : When we bought the car, we wore our seatbelt every time we went anywhere. We didn't expect an accident to happen, but we still buckle up anyway. After a few weeks/months with no accidents, we shouldn't just stop wearing our seat-belts. EDC is just like a seatbelt. It is something you do everyday hoping you never have to use it, but because we will never know when something will happen, the more we use it the better our safety and protection.

Good luck, and keep us updated with how it goes.

 

[Buckley]

I've seen this many times, sir. If someone decides not to carry, this must be respected. Whenever someone places that weapon on themselves, they must have the mindset to take someone's life. Maybe she just needs some time.

 

[TX-JB]

Don't pressure her. If she has become complacent, you can't really do anything about it. I've been married for 18 years, we met when I was a cop. She has heard about all the things I've seen and knows what I have been thru because of my job. She doesn't carry and I don't push it.

I would check into a smaller gun, too. Just because she picked out her first carry gun, doesn't mean she's really happy with it. Did you make the 100% best selection for your first carry gun, what about your first holster choice?

 

[Bark'n]

Get her a copy of the book "The Ayoob Files: The Book." It's a compilation of some of the best stories from his column by the same name in American Handgunner magazine published in a book.

She may need some real life stories under her belt in order to keep the importance of being armed in the front of her mind. The last thing anyone wants is for her to be a victim of violent crime to be the catalyst, however, for some people, that is in fact what it takes.

Good luck in your endeavor to keep her safe.

Also, a smaller handgun may also be what is needed. Maybe something along the lines of a snub revolver which my wife carries, or maybe a Ruger LCP or other .380 caliber.

You can purchase a copy of the book here.

 

[JimmyC4]

It seems that folks who carry have an initial excitement that sometimes wanes some over time. At the same time, the evil and threats around us don't decrease (likely increase!).

Why does she say she has dropped back on carry? Inconvenience? Complacency?

 

[elkhunter]

Over the years, I've come to understand how carrying a deadly weapon is something each person who chooses to do, must own for themselves in their own way and be at peace with it.

I have observed my own wife desire to get her permit to carry, and then once she got the permit, take years to decide and settle on a weapon of her choice, no matter how many great choices I offered, she had to choose and own her gun for herself.
THEN, I had to "remind" her from time to time to actually carry when she went out somewhere. At first she might have carried, many times she declined. I could not push it, she needed to own carrying each time.
Once she told me about how she carried for a two day trip to Glenwood Springs, and when she checked into the hotel, her gun fell out of her pocket holster onto the lobby floor. Once she understood that nobody actually noticed or cared, she got over the fear of being "discovered", and now she carries much more often.

I may be the one who reminds her, but the decision is hers to carry or not to carry.

Your wife may need to have the time and space to come into her SD decisions on her own, but always with your support, not insistence. Does that make sense? (At least that is the way it works in my home, after 23 years of marriage.)

In reality, all you can actually do is, provide protection when you are with your wife, and pray for God to protect her when you are not with her.

~My 2 cents.

 

[Eagleks]

Keep leaving articles on attacks on women in parking lots, shopping centers, and homes...... on the table in the mornings. If she asks, "oh, it was just something I thought you would be interested in".

 

[Phoebe]

Female perspective here:
1) don't try to scare her into carrying (hate the idea of leaving crime stories or statistics around)
2) you need to find out why she's not. Don't assume discomfort or weapon size or anything else without asking her.
3) She may feel her risk is extremely minimal (and she may be correct.)
3) Ultimately, she just might not want to...and if that's so, then that just may be her final decision.

The odds of needing a firearm are small. How high the "small" is may depend on the neighborhood she lives in, the neighborhoods she visits, and the kinds of activities she involves herself in, as well as time of day.

If she lives a suburban life, in decent neighborhoods, without much going out after dark, she may just find it a bother.

Bottom line, you should find out why, be helpful if there is a way to be helpful, and let it be if she just doesn't want to.

p.s. corneredcat is a great site, but I sometimes get tired of being referred to it, as if it were a magic bullet (haha) for all gun/female questions and answers. Most female/gun issues are no different than male/gun issues.