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Wife says no to carry when with child!

  • Do I Honor Her Wishes?

    Votes: 27 4.9%
  • No, Protect Your Family And Carry

    Votes: 520 95.1%
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Discussion Starter #1
She found out that i was carrying the other day while out with her and my 3.5 year old daughter. My wife has asked me not to carry when out with my daughter.

She freaked out today when finding my EMPTY holster still on my pants.

Bottom line she thinks it's too dangerous to carry with the little one in tow and I feel I should be able to protect them if danger arises.

So what to do?
Honer her wishes?
Carry anyway?
 

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Nobody I love or care for or under my need for protecting is going to be unprotected at any time so long as I am able to protect them or myself to continue protecting them from possible harm. No two ways about it. You're going to have to work this out at home, and to all that, I wish you good luck. I do feel that you have the better stand for the sake of argument, and I'm sure there will be some of that now.
 

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I just voted for the wrong choice. Sorry, but the poll is a little hard to follow as it is written. I should have voted to CARRY YOUR WEAPON!!! She will get over it.
 

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Build your dog a more comfortable house, you're gonna need it.
Bottom line here is you have got to come to terms with her on this.
Would she be open to reading something like Corneredcat?
 

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Well, she's OK with your carrying a gun as long as it isn't around your family ? Uh .... what can be said about that ? She doesn't get it.... period.

If you are carrying wisely , which it sounds like you are, what is it that she thinks is going to happen ? The gun won't go off on it's own, and you have the trigger covered with the holster. How much confidence does that say that she has in your judgment ?

Ask her, if someone came up with a gun and / or was kidnapping your kid, would she rather you only be able to wave to them goodbye.

Don't under-estimate that either, I was in that situation.... the guy was not armed that I know, but I charged him and didn't care either..... he let her go and ran 'really' fast. I've never seen anyone disappear so fast.
 

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Not married myself, but this is a serious issue that needs to talked about asap. If she freaks about a holster then there are going to be problems. The only similar argument I've ever had was carrying in the house, only because cuddling was uncomfortable. Get to the heart of her objection, and why she thinks this.
 

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You need to find out just why she feels this way. Sounds like she has a reason for thinking this way, now you need to find out why that is and educated her on the facts. It may be easier said than done, but it is your responsibility as a father and husband to be able to protect your loved ones...

Good luck,
 

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Sounds like you made an immature mistake 4 years ago. Accept her wishes or leave.
 

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You need to find out just why she feels this way. Sounds like she has a reason for thinking this way, now you need to find out why that is and educate her on the facts. It may be easier said than done, but it is your responsibility as a father and husband to be able to protect your loved ones...

Good luck,
+1
Well said kelly! :hand10:
 

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Go to this site:

Armor of New Hampshire: Author: Massad Ayoob - Books

and buy her the book "Truth About Self Protection" by Massad Ayoob.

This book explains the need with facts...interviews with criminals...and explains many ways in which self defense is needed and can be archived. It is not just about weapons and lethal force, though it is there too.

I don't believe your wife really understands the type of world we live in. This book is a good eye opener for her. You do need to approach it in a positive way. Try not to fight....request she read it so you both can have a cool discussion on the matter. I hope she will understand that the only dangerous part of it is if you DON'T have your weapon when it is needed. How would you protect her and your lovely daughter without it. Explain to her that at the scene of most crimes there are only two sets of people....the criminals and the victims. Police don't show up until later...when the crime is either done or stopped. Have her go to some of the sites ran by women who believe in self defense like Cornered Cat.
Stress to her that this is important to you that you be able to protect her and your child if crime finds you. Also explain what type of actions you may need to take in given situations. Let her know what she will have to do also...like drop to the ground with the child...roll under a parked car...ect. Explain to her your personal family defense team needs her and her support.

I hope this works out for you. Too many women don't really understand what personal self defense means. I saw that too many times when working EMS in the Metro area. My experiences there made a believer out of me. We I go with my daughter and grand daughter...they know I carry concealed and why and what they need to do if I am ever called on by incident to use it. Get down...roll under a car...use the cell to call 911 and keep hidden until police arrive....NO MATTER WHAT.
 

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The Truth About Self Defense, by Ayoob, is a pretty good book and is an excellent overview of the subject. It describes why the head-in-sand approach can get you killed. It lays out the pros/cons of taking certain security precautions. It can help provide her with the terminology that you both need to be able to speak intelligently instead of merely emotionally, on a subject that's at the core of your family's security, and at the core of your trust between you two.

She found out that i was carrying the other day while out with her and my 3.5 year old daughter. My wife has asked me not to carry when out with my daughter.
You have a real problem, here.

Your whole point of carrying the means of defense is to protect your family and yourself, yet she's disallowing you to do exactly that.

The next step in the logical line of thinking is: it's the children, or your firearms ... take it or leave it.

She seems adamant enough to destroy the marriage over it. She seems apparently fearful enough that it's clouding her thinking as to relative degree of importance.

The WHOLE POINT is to protect the family, which I'm betting really isn't far off from her primary goals as well. It's simply the manner in which you're choosing to do it that gets her goat. That, and the fact that she was just surprised with this information.

You do realize that the lack of trust, here, stems from not knowing this before, and from feeling she was blindsided by this.

Time to talk about it. It's going to sting. It might not end the way you think it will. It might well not end with you two together, sad as that sounds. But it surely isn't going to improve without working through it.

As for how to have that discussion, I don't have many suggestions. I'm all for doing it gently, but I'm never for "dancing" around a topic. That isn't much help, I know.

Perhaps ask the pastor to assist in helping you to cover the subject of family health, well-being, safety and the goal of protecting your family. Perhaps the "problem" can be put into non-confrontational terms, getting to the root of the challenge of safety/security, such that the surface topic of firearms can then be handled while understanding its rightful position in the food chain of issues.

What we understand, here, is that a defensive firearm and related training is merely the best tool for the job, much like a fire extinguisher or car insurance. She doesn't yet get it, and/or she's clouded by the fear it cannot be kept around your child while simultaneously ensuring the gun is kept safely. She's also not happy about finding out this information just now. That breach of trust is going to take a bit of deft handling on your part, as it cuts to the core.

If they're worth it, you'll do what you need to do. If she feels you both are worth it, she'll see the point you are making with the tools/training (even if she doesn't like the tool).

Good luck.

BTW, my position is that nobody I love is going to remain unprotected while I'm around. I might not be able to stop everything, nor might I be able to last very long, but I'll be damned if I am going to go unarmed and utterly incapable of doing anything for those I love. It's fairly irrelevant who gets upset, by comparison. That being said, there are plenty of ways to remain "armed" ... and a firearm isn't the only option.
 

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Just another thought. Refer her to this web site and ask questions. There are many women here besides me that can give her our take on issues on this.
Tell her to feel free to private message me if I can help. After all this is not so much for you, but for her and your daughter. I would be happy to help anyway possible...as I am sure any woman from this forum would. Good luck to you both.

(BTW...I didn't vote, because I don't think either is a good option for you.)
 

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what kind of parent isn't willing to care for and protect their children? IMHO that is one of a parents jobs and if they're not willing to do that, why have them?
 

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what kind of parent isn't willing to care for and protect their children? IMHO that is one of a parents jobs and if they're not willing to do that, why have them?
That is exactly the WRONG way for him to approach his wife. Verbally attacking her is not going to advance the matter for either of them.

He needs to have a cool, frank discussion with her as to WHY she is so opposed. He needs to get her more valid information on the subject.
He needs to get her to work WITH him...as part of the family defense team. Has he discussed what she should do if they had a intruder in night? Has he discussed what type of crimes they could have visited on them? Has he EVER talked openly and frankly about this issue?
Time for a informed and adult discussion. You don't start out by attacking her parenting skills. I am sure she would disagree to the max....thus snapping a lid on any further discourse on the subject.

It is always a good idea to THINK before you SPEAK.
 

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So let me get this straight, your wife, who is the biological mother of the child, feels that you should not carry a tool with you that may very well save the life of your child because it is too dangerous?

Is she OK with this same child riding in an automobile? Your daughter is much more likely to be injured or killed in a car wreck than by your gun.

Does this child take baths? She is much more likely to drown in the bath tub than to be injured by your gun.

Does she go to the doctor? She is much more likely to be injured by a negligent doctor or nurse giving her the wrong medication that she is to be injured by your gun.

Your wife is being irrational and you should do everything you can to explain it to her. But you should not back down from carrying the tool that may save your life, your child's life and the life of your wife.
 

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Wasn't meant as a suggestion. Just a question and my opinion. Although I do agree on the approach, I do feel it important to state what a parents responsibility is and who then is responsible for the childrens and family's safety.
 

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Wasn't meant as a suggestion. Just a question and my opinion. Although I do agree on the approach, I do feel it important to state what a parents responsibility is and who then is responsible for the childrens and family's safety.
I agree with that. It seems this woman has irrational fears. He needs to find out why. I would bid she doesn't have good solid facts. I have carried for years. In my city...a small woman in EMS is subject to many threats. I have been armed since the late 80s. I have never had to use it, but have felt the security and freedom of being able to defend myself if needed....as well as my child....and now my grand child. I found out from my years as a street medic just how dangerous it can be if you are not prepared. She needs the education, but if he approaches it "Heavy Handed" it will not be good. I am just trying to find a way for his entire family to "win" this one.
 

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I agree with that. It seems this woman has irrational fears. He needs to find out why. I would bid she doesn't have good solid facts. I have carried for years. In my city...a small woman in EMS is subject to many threats. I have been armed since the late 80s. I have never had to use it, but have felt the security and freedom of being able to defend myself if needed....as well as my child....and now my grand child. I found out from my years as a street medic just how dangerous it can be if you are not prepared. She needs the education, but if he approaches it "Heavy Handed" it will not be good. I am just trying to find a way for his entire family to "win" this one.
I too have been exposed to many incidents or circumstances that might have had a different outcome if someone had the ability and will to make a difference. 20 yrs in fire service gives a realistic view of life.
 

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My wife understood that was even more important for me to carry when the kids are were us. They are all adults now so we rarely are all out together, but wife knows and understands that neither of us are protected if I leave my gun at home....
 
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